


Fade to Black

by dk323



Series: Fade to Black [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Reality, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Castiel & Sam Winchester Friendship, M/M, Post SPN 14x13, Pre-Slash, Sam and trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-10
Updated: 2020-02-10
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:29:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 20,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22414732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dk323/pseuds/dk323
Summary: After another version of Castiel attacks him viciously, Sam is determined to move on. He reminds himself that it wasn’t their Cas and he should forget what happened. Yet Sam can’t stop thinking that the other Castiel could have killed him. He desperately wants to leave the past in the past. But when Sam looks at their Cas, the angel who has become a part of their family, the memories of the attack overwhelm him.He sees how sorry Cas is for what Sam is going through.Sam wants to yell that he’s fine, and nothing’s changed.One night, Sam makes a fateful wish.That’s when everything changes.(This story takes place shortly following episode 14x13)
Relationships: Castiel/Sam Winchester, Jimmy Novak/Sam Winchester
Series: Fade to Black [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1946419
Comments: 10
Kudos: 29
Collections: Sam Winchester Big Bang 2019-20





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was written for the **Sam Winchester Big Bang**. Thank you to the SWBB Mods for organizing this challenge. You guys are awesome! **Note:** This story is promoted on Tumblr under my Tumblr name, AvalonSilver. Dk323 is my name here on AO3. Just to avoid any confusion.
> 
> Thank you to my **wonderful** artist, **M14mouse** , for the art pieces you created. I love the moments you chose to capture! I enjoyed working with you. Thank you! **Please check out her art here:** [ Fade to Black Artwork ](https://m14mouse.livejournal.com/93108.html)
> 
> Also, shout out to **LovedSammy** \-- talking with you about this story motivated me to finish it, which I really needed at a time when I wasn't sure about the story. Thank you! :-)
> 
>  **Disclaimer:** The TV show “Supernatural” is property of Kripke Enterprises and Warner Bros. Television. No copyright infringement is intended and no profit is being made.
> 
>  **Also, story includes dialogue from the Supernatural episodes,** Sacrifice (8x23) and Swan Song (5x22). 
> 
> **Story Title credit:** Metallica song, "Fade to Black."  
>  **Warning:** The "Fade to Black" song references suicidal themes, but Sam isn't suicidal in this story. He's just trying to cope with the aftermath of the events of episode 14x13. I chose this song title mostly because I liked the sound of it. And maybe some lines in the song fit for how Sam is feeling in this story.

"Sam, are you okay?" Cas asked, frowning at him.

"Yeah, I'm fine. You healed me. I'm good as new," Sam gave him a weak smile.

Cas looked unconvinced. "I'm sorry… I know it must be difficult to think about."

"It wasn't you. I know that. Don't worry about it, Cas."

Sam patted Cas on the shoulder, trying for a smile but fearing that it came out more as a grimace.

"I need to do some research." Sam turned away from him, heading in the direction of the library.

Cas spoke up though, advising Sam, "You should rest. After what you've been through and seeing your father again after so long… you and Dean both could use a break."

"Yeah, maybe… in a bit. See you, Cas."

Sam walked quickly out of the kitchen before Cas could say anything else.

Cas couldn't help but worry about him. Sam was not all right -- physically yes, Cas had made sure he was fully healed, but Sam's current emotional state concerned him.

****

"Why did you tell him, Dean? You should have asked me first!" Sam demanded to know.

"Don't see the big deal. Thought he'd want the full story. His face when I told him what a tool this other version of him was… Cas looked like--"

Sam shook his head, putting up his hand. "Stop, just stop. I wish you hadn't, Dean. Now when he looks at me it's like he believes I'll break any minute. I can't deal with that."

"Cas will get over it. Don't throw a fit over nothin', Sammy." Dean told him. "Anyway, you told Cas about the Malak box and locking Michael away. I didn't give you permission to tell him. So how is this different?"

"Because your plan was a load of crap, Dean! I wasn't going to sit back and let you be trapped at the bottom of the ocean just because some damn archangel is banging around in her head. This is an all hands on deck situation! And that includes Cas!” Sam shouted, feeling frustrated over what his brother had done.

He paused, taking a deep breath and then he continued on. 

“And this IS different than telling Cas what that other version of him did to me," Sam insisted. "He was close to killing me, Dean. A little longer and I could have gotten a brain bleed and...who knows if I would have lasted the trip to the hospital. I didn't want Cas to know how bad it was!"

"Cas had to heal both of us,” Dean argued, sounding tired. “And he needed to know our injuries so his angel mojo would heal the right places."

"No, he didn't!" Sam shot back. "He's able to tell without us informing him which areas need healing. He doesn't require the backstory."

"But he would've been curious. If I hadn't told him, he would have gotten it out of you. Okay, seriously, man, let it go!” Dean said, practically pleading with him. “It's done. Cas knows and in no time, he'll realize you're good and he won't be treating you with kid gloves anymore or whatever."

"Fine." Sam said, biting out the word. He wasn't getting anywhere with Dean.

Sam walked out of the room, not giving Dean a chance to respond.

****

Laying down in his bed, Sam closed his eyes trying to get the image of what happened in the alternate timeline out of his head. He hated himself a little when he felt relief sweep over him when the memory ended with his banishing of the messed up version of Cas. 

He had done the right thing. It hadn't been their Cas-- it had been a supernatural threat and he was a hunter. Sam did what he had to. Plain and simple.

He wished he could forget what happened. He didn't like that his perception of the Cas they'd known for years was negatively impacted. He just needed time and space. 

Out of the corner of his eye, Sam saw Cas enter his bedroom. 

“Sam, is it okay if I stay?” Cas asked him. 

The image of the other Castiel flashed across his mind’s eye. He could almost feel the bitter taste of his blood as it spilled out of his mouth. The memory ended with a bright light as the messed up version of Castiel was banished. Sam took a deep breath, then he exhaled. He could get through this, Sam told himself. He literally went through Hell and was tortured by Lucifer himself. It was crazy, right, that he couldn’t move on from this? 

Or was it simply because Cas had become a part of their family that this hit harder? The other Castiel had been a cruel slap in the face, and Sam was relieved that there had been a way to fix things, make things right. Even if that meant they had to say goodbye to their dad again. 

“Yeah, yeah. It’s fine, Cas. You don’t need to ask.” Sam gave him a half-smile, hoping he sounded believable.

“I can check that I didn’t miss anything. Dean said that your head was struck against a table a few times. I want to make sure you’re completely healed. My grace isn’t as strong as it used to be. I was only able to regain some of it, remember.”

Sam nodded. He turned to Cas. “I get it. But I’m fine. I feel fine. You did all you could, Cas. That was enough. Just don’t worry about me.”

Cas studied him, looking at him sadly. “I cannot help it, Sam. I wish you and Dean hadn’t gone through that.”

“We got through it. At least in the end, something good came out of it. I got some closure with my dad. Getting attacked by that other version of you was a small price to pay. Please, Cas, just relax. I promise I’ll tell you if I get a really bad headache or something. If I don’t feel right.”

“I’m glad, Sam, that you were able to get closure with your father.” Cas told him honestly, giving him a small smile.

“Yeah, me too.”

After a few seconds of silence, Cas spoke up again, “I can numb the memory for you, Sam. If you are willing. If it’s painful to remember what happened at the restaurant, then I can ease that for you.”

Cas raised his hand to place on Sam’s forehead. Sam can’t stop the flinch that comes when he sees Cas’s hand. Face falling, Cas dropped his hand. 

“Thanks, but I don’t need that,” Sam reassured him. “It’s a bad memory, yeah, but it’s my memory and I don’t want my memories messed with. Not right now.”

“You don’t trust me. You don’t want me in your head,” Cas concluded.

Sam shrugged. “No, it’s not that, Cas. I’m just… I’m tired. Talking about what happened isn’t easy. I don’t want to think about it anymore. So please, can we talk about something else?”

“Of course, Sam.”

“You can go on the other side of the bed like you usually do,” Sam offered. 

He wasn’t sure why he had. He decided it was more a force of habit. And maybe this would be a good thing. That Sam would get over his hang up about the attack if he continued on with what he had done before. And that included allowing Cas to lay beside him on the bed. 

Cas nodded, though he looked a little uncertain. “Are you sure, Sam? You seem troubled by my appearance. Don’t try to convince me otherwise. I can see it in your eyes. There’s no need to pretend with me.”

Sam let out a sigh, pressing his fingers to his forehead to ward off an impending headache. “All right, maybe a little bit,” Sam admitted, deciding it wasn’t worth the trouble to lie. “But I can handle this. Really. Just come up on the bed. Please, I’m asking you.”

Though Cas gave Sam another tentative look, he appeared to accept Sam’s words. He took off his shoes, trench coat and suit jacket. He climbed up on the bed in the empty space beside Sam. 

Relieved that Cas wasn’t forcing the issue anymore, for now at least, Sam gave him a smile. “Thank you.”

Cas smiled back, in his somber way, and he placed his hand over Sam’s. Sam was grateful that he didn’t pull away, that he was able to accept the gesture and not be assaulted by that memory of a Castiel he hoped he would never see again.

Following Sam’s wishes, Cas did bring up something else to discuss. He asked how it was to have dinner with both his parents. Something Sam had never previously experienced before -- not that he could remember at least. Since he’d been too young when both his mom and dad had been alive at the same time, before that fateful fire. The night Azazel killed their mom. 

Sam began to feel a little better after the talk. It had been a welcome distraction from the bad memories. He began to fall asleep. His eyelids drooped down over his eyes as he slid down to rest his head against his pillow. 

“Sleep well, Sam,” he heard Cas say to him in a quiet voice.

Sam thought he murmured his thanks amidst his sleepy haze.

Sometime after that, Sam woke up with a start. He was sure the nightmares of Hell and Lucifer making his life a living hell forced him up. How could he sleep through that? No, it was better to be awake. At least awake he wouldn’t be trapped by those nightmares. Maybe Cas had removed the worst of it all those years ago, but frustratingly, the trauma Sam had suffered still wound its way into his sleep. Being awake and keeping busy helped, and though Sam wished he hadn’t needed to sleep -- unfortunately it was a necessary thing to do to even function during the day.

Sam turned his head to where he knew Cas was beside him. Then he was alarmed when he saw Cas standing on the other side of the bed with a cold look in his eyes. 

Sam squeezed his eyes shut, telling himself this wasn’t real, that maybe he hadn’t really woken up. That he was still asleep and his nightmare had shifted from Lucifer to reminders of the other timeline’s Castiel.

The moment when he hit the angel banishing sigil flashed across his mind’s eye. A part of him recognized he was acting out of fear and he wasn’t thinking straight. Yet that part of him was a small one, and the bigger part was screaming at him that this was real. It wasn’t another nightmare. The Castiel who was in his room now was a threat, and he needed to go. Sam had to stop him.

Sam opened his eyes and he still could see Cas standing there. Just standing there on the opposite side of the bed. He seemed to be waiting for something. For Sam to make his move. So he could have a reason to attack Sam in return. Whoever this version of Cas was, he wasn’t the one Sam considered a close friend. Something was just so alien, so foreign about him.

He wanted to speak out loud, say something like, “Who the hell are you?” Except his mouth was dry and he could only swallow, feeling like the words had been sucked out of him.

The small part of him he wasn’t listening to briefly showed him that there was no one standing on the other side of the bed. Sam was alone in the room. But the paranoia had grown inside him and Sam was past trying to stamp it down. 

Upon closing his eyes, the moment when he activated the sigil came to mind once again. He watched the memory of Castiel disappear, banished away in that restaurant.

He grew frustrated when he still saw this cold-eyed Cas standing, unharmed, opposite him. 

“Who are you?” Sam asked, whispering it. 

No answer. The angel just stared at him, a distant look in his eyes. 

San blinked once, twice, and then he found himself alone in his bedroom.

Yet he couldn’t get himself to calm down. He started sweating and he felt his heart beating wildly in his chest. Sam covered his face with his hands, trying poorly to make himself relax. Unfortunately, the anxiety and paranoia was still strong.

“I’m sorry. I had to step out… Sam? Sam!” Sam heard Cas, his Cas, speaking to him. He sounded very concerned. 

Sam felt Cas’s hand gripping his shoulder, still tentative as if he was unsure of how Sam would react to Cas’s touch.

Sam closed his eyes, refusing to look at Cas. He hated seeing the worry in Cas’s eyes, the sadness in them that he was probably feeling about Sam.

His previous conversation with Dean rang in Sam’s ears. He didn’t want Cas treating him like he would break. Even if Sam felt like he was losing it and maybe he was close to breaking, and there was no way to fix him.

“Breathe, Sam, please. It’s okay. You’re okay,” Cas insisted.

In the past, Sam had found Cas’s voice soothing, and it helped to bring him out of panicked states like this. But now, it wasn’t enough. 

Sam opened his eyes. He barely managed a glance at Cas before he shook his head. “No...no,” he said. “I wish things were different. I wish things were different.” He kept saying. 

He continued to repeat the words inside his head.

“Sam…” Cas said, but he didn’t say anymore. As if he was uncertain what to tell Sam to get through to him.

_“I wish things were different!”_ He said silently for the last time, yelling out the words in his head.

It was a _terrible wish_. It was far too general and later, Sam knew that if he’d been in his right mind, he’d never do a wish like that.

But at that moment, the thought took over and Sam watched a bright light take over the room, reminding him of the flash of light when an angel was banished. Cas vanished as the light enveloped the entire bedroom.

And then he felt himself collapse back on his bed. He fell asleep. He was exhausted. 

***


	2. Chapter 2

***

“Wake up, Sasquatch! You’ve slept in long enough.”

Sam heard Dean’s voice. 

He woke up in his bed-- hold on, that didn’t feel like his bed. Not like the one he was used to. This one felt softer and it only had one pillow. There was no pillow on his other side… the one Sam had left for… Sam shook his head. He didn’t want to think about Cas now. He felt bad enough for that panic attack that Cas had to witness.

Sam woke up slowly, disoriented as he sat up in bed and he rubbed at his eyes. 

He dropped his hands and looked over at Dean. His brother was standing at the foot of his bed, his arms crossed against his chest. He stared at Sam as if waiting for him to say something.

“Dean?” Sam asked, confused. “Where’s Cas? He was here.”

Dean gave him a weird look. “Who the hell is Cas? I don’t know who you’re talking about, Sammy. You gotta eat some breakfast. Maybe that will wake you up. C’mon.”

“What? Cas, I said Cas. You know him, Dean. Castiel.”

Dean shook his head. “Nope. Doesn’t ring a bell, man. Weird name though.”

Sam widened his eyes, trying not to let the panic hit him again. “Seriously, don’t fuck with me, Dean.”

“I’m not. Just get out of bed already, Sam.”

Sam took a deep breath, exhaling. He didn’t know what was going on, but he had to figure it out. 

He finally took a good look at the room he was in. It was definitely not his bedroom at the bunker. He had to admit it sort of reminded of his old room in Lawrence. The same room where his mother died. 

“Where am I?” Sam asked.

“Your room… I converted this from a nursery to a guest bedroom… but it’s really your room when you visit. Don’t you remember, Sam? I bought our childhood home a few years ago. After I slowed down with hunting. Lisa doesn’t want to move in here considering what happened to Mom… but I can’t let this house go. Probably will rent it out. But you know all that. Don’t know why you let me keep talking. Don’t want to beat a dead horse here.”

Sam shook his head, distracted. He repositioned himself, his legs dangling off the edge of the bed. “No, no it’s all new to me. You said Lisa? What year is it?”

Dean sighed. “Seriously? Did you hit your head hard or something? How could you not know?”

“Please, Dean. Just humor me.”

“Lisa and I are getting married in a week. And the year is 2018. August 4, 2018.”

Sam didn’t know how it happened, but somehow he ended up in a different reality. And he was alone here. This Dean was a part of whatever reality this was, and Sam could either continue to be alone in this or involve Dean. He didn’t much like the prospect of trying to figure this mess he’d gotten himself into on his own. If he could convince this Dean to help him with getting back home, that would be great.

“And when you’re talking about hunting, you mean…” Sam asked, checking to make sure in this reality Dean hunted the supernatural and not wild game.

“I’m thinking I should take you to the hospital,” Dean muttered, looked slightly annoyed.

Sam gave him his best earnest look. “I’m sorry this is a pain, but I gotta know. Please. Maybe I did hit my head… can’t remember. Must be the amnesia. I’m sure that’ll pass, but for now… I need your help here, man.”

Dean looked worried, and then he appeared to relent. “Okay. I was talking about hunting the supernatural -- ghosts, shapeshifters, demons…”

Sam was relieved. At least this wasn’t like that Djinn-created wish reality Dean ended up in years ago. The one where he and Dean never hunted the supernatural and weren’t close as brothers as a result. In this reality, at least the familiarity of hunting supernatural creatures was there.

Then he wondered -- what if the same was happening to him? Was he now in a wish reality too? Sam vaguely recalled making a wish -- the same one-- several times. But he hadn’t been hunting a Djinn at the time. He remembered that Dean had been on his way to the Djinn’s lair and unfortunately got caught by the creature. Sam had been frantic getting to him when Dean had gone silent -- only to find his brother strung up and half-alive as the Djinn fed on him. That had been a close call. If Dean hadn’t been strong enough to break out of that wish reality… not to be taken in by the temptation of a better life, Sam could have lost him for good.

But this wasn’t a wish reality even if he remembered making a wish. There hadn’t been any Djinn in the area. Sam had been in his bedroom in the bunker. A Djinn couldn’t have gotten to him there. More likely, this was another reality like Apocalypse World. 

“Hey, Earth to Sam. You okay? You spaced out there,” Dean spoke up. He waved his hand over Sam’s face.

Sam pushed Dean’s hand away.

“I’m fine,” Sam told him. “Are you sure you don’t know where Castiel is?”

Dean gave him a weird look. “Why are you bringing that up again? I told you I don’t know who you’re talking about.”

Sam knew he would have gotten an irritated answer from Dean, but he needed to ask him these questions. Not knowing about Cas’s existence put Sam’s mind into overdrive. He tried to pinpoint why in this reality, Dean didn’t know who Cas was.

“Dean, he’s an angel. Castiel.”

Dean frowned at him. “You know how I feel about angels. They’re not real. I told you that years ago and I still stand by it.”

“You mean during that case with the priest who died?” Sam asked. 

He felt like he was removing cobwebs from his mind as he remembered that old case. That had been the time where he’d surprised Dean by informing his older brother that he prayed everyday.

“Yeah. And he didn’t end up being an angel. I never saw one, so they don’t exist. No matter the amount of lore on them. Can we please talk about something else?”

“Dean… what happened?” Sam asked. 

Dean looked at him in confusion. 

“Wait,” Sam said, thinking of what could have been the event that led to this reality diverging from Sam’s. 

“At Cold Oak, did I die?” Sam asked quietly.

“Your memory really got shot to hell today. No, Sam, you didn’t die. What makes you think you did? You got lucky. What -- you think an angel could have been involved?”

“I don’t know. I just want to know what happened,” Sam told him.

“No, not until you tell me what’s really up. You’re keeping something from me. So spill.”

Sam sighed. “Okay… I’m from a different reality. I know it sounds crazy, but that’s the truth. I can prove to you that I’m not a shapeshifter or a demon.”

“Right. Well, you should get ready. Take a shower, get dressed. Meet me downstairs in the kitchen. We can talk more there. And I could use another cup of coffee. Maybe two,” Dean decided. He frowned, running his hand against the back of his head.

“Yes, sure. I’ll meet you down there. Look, I’m sorry if I’m freaking you out here. I know I’m not the Sam you were expecting.”

“I’m not freaked out, man. I’m good. Don’t worry about it.”

Sam nodded. Though Dean sounded nonchalant, Sam could tell that he was tense. He got it. They were both hunters, and of course Dean would treat this situation he’d found himself in with wariness. Sam didn’t doubt that he looked different to Dean. Especially now knowing Sam had come from a different reality. Sam was sure the painful memories of his time with Lucifer still lingered on his face. Sometimes he himself could see the haunted look in his eyes that could never truly go away now.

Dean showed him where the bathroom and shower were and left Sam to it.

Feeling better after a hot shower and change of clothes, Sam met up with this other version of his brother in the kitchen of his childhood home. Which was strange to think about. He never thought he would be back here. And he figured it was really Dean’s old home since he actually remembered living here while Sam had been too young. It made sense that in this reality that Dean would choose to purchase this place. He didn’t doubt the Dean he knew would do the same if he had the chance.

Dean held out a silver knife and Sam took it from him. He made a cut in his forearm to show he wasn’t a shapeshifter. Then Dean handed him over a glass with holy water. Sam downed it easily.

Dean looked a little better following the confirmation, but he still seemed wary. 

“Want some coffee? Beer?”

“Just some orange juice will be fine.”

“Okay, whatever.”

Sam watched Dean place some pancake batter on a pan, the pancake mix sizzling as it made contact with the oil, before he decided to speak up. “So tell me what happened, Dean. At Cold Oak?”

“Jake stabbed you and started running toward you. Time seemed to slow down. It was weird. But then I saw you collapse to the ground. Bobby ran off after Jake. I grabbed you and checked you over, assessed the wound on your back. But it wasn’t there. Like Jake never stabbed you. I was so damn relieved you were okay though I didn’t want to question it. Bobby thought it was worth investigating, but I convinced him to let it go. We saw Dad again when we went off to defeat that son of a bitch, Azazel.”

“You defeated Azazel with the Colt and Dad’s soul went up to Heaven.”

Dean nodded. “Yeah. Same happen in your reality?”

“Yes. Except I died in my reality. And that led you to…”

“Making a desperate decision?” Dean guessed. “I can imagine if I lost you, I’d spiral downhill fast.”

“Yeah you uh… you met with a Crossroad Demon. You made a demon deal to save my life.”

“Shit. How long did I get?”

“Doesn’t matter. You were able to get out of Hell though, and you’re still alive in my reality. Still you were in Hell… and it messed you up. I’ve been tortured in Hell too, so I know the feeling.”

Dean’s eyes widened. Then he shook his head, letting out a weak, bitter laugh. “Seriously. Nothing but sunshine and roses in your reality. Damn.”

Sam smiled at him and he shrugged. “Yeah, it’s not ideal. I won’t lie. But somehow I came out the other side… somehow, I survived, but there are days, it’s hard to deal with all that’s happened.”

“Hm, so how was I was able to get out of Hell? Can’t see doing it myself with all those demons around.”

“You were rescued by a squadron of angels,” Sam told him.

“Back to the angels,” Dean huffed.

“In my reality, they are real.”

“It’s hard to believe in them. Where the hell were the angels when Mom need saving? Why weren’t they watching over her and protecting her from that yellow-eyed bastard?”

“Dean, I’m sorry,” Sam said sadly. “I didn’t mean to upset you, man.”

Dean shrugged it off, waving his hand. “It’s fine.” 

He set down the glass of orange juice in front of Sam. Sam drank some of his orange juice and coughed, frowning.

“Damnit, Dean. Did you put vodka in this?” Sam accused him.

Dean turned to look at him, a shit-eating grin on his face. “Thought you could use it. Three fourths vodka, one fourth OJ.”

“You suck,” Sam couldn’t help but grumble. 

He downed the rest of the glass though, feeling like he could use some alcohol now considering this weird situation he found himself in.

“Yeah, feelin’ better?” Dean asked. 

Sam shot him a glare, and he refused to admit out loud he appreciated it.

“Okay, to make up for that, you gotta tell me more about Cold Oak. Like about time slowing down.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “Nothing more to say, not really. It was like in a movie or TV show… like a special effect where they slow down a scene. A scene where you’re watching someone you love getting hurt in front of you.”

“And you didn’t want to investigate further? Find out if it was anything supernatural?”

“You were alive, Sammy. That’s all I cared about. Who cares if time went weird? I mean, Bobby wanted to look into it, but I convinced him not to. But then you -- the you I know or whatever-- roped Bobby into the angel thing. You got it into your head that an angel saved you at Cold Oak. You looked into it for about two years. You and Bobby.”

“And did I find anything? If I stopped, then I must have found something,” Sam figured.

Dean shook his head a little too quickly. He returned to sticking pancake batter on the pan. “No, Sam. You gave up. Sorry to disappoint. Now can we get off the angel thing?”

“All right, sure,” Sam conceded. “Well, what’s the plan for today?”

Dean shrugged. “Small case. One ghost probably. I’ve got it. You can just stay here. Maybe figure out a way to get back to your reality or whatever. Fuck, not sure I believe that. But you seem different… so maybe you’re telling me the truth.”

“I am, Dean. It’s the truth. I can help you with the case. I need the distraction. Where is it at?”

Dean frowned at him. He turned off the gas from the stove. The pancakes were done.

“Listen, man… maybe you should call Sarah. She’s coming for the wedding. Only reason she didn’t come with you is she got busy at work. You gotta talk to her.”

Sam’s eyes widened. “Wait… Sarah? As in Sarah Blake?” 

“Yeah, you -- the other you who should be here -- are together with her. You told me a few weeks ago that you were thinking of proposing.”

Sam let out a breath. “Damn… I-- that’s a lot to take in. Thanks for telling me.”

“Is Sarah in your reality too?”

Sam nodded. He thought sadly about what had happened to the Sarah Blake he’d known. Because she had known them, been helped by them -- Crowley had killed her to force Sam and Dean to stop from closing the gates of Hell.

Dean seemed to notice Sam’s downcast expression. “Don’t tell me. Sarah isn’t alive now in your reality?”

“No, no she’s not. It’s not easy to talk about. And I didn’t get to know her as well as in this reality. At least I figure as much if I’m ready to propose.”

“Yeah, you’ve been with her for about five years now. You guys moved to California near Stanford a year or so ago.”

“Stanford…” Sam breathed out. 

He couldn’t help but recall the wish world Dean had landed in years ago. According to Dean, that version of himself had lived in California too -- except Jess had been alive and they were going to get married. 

“Yeah, Palo Alto. You love it. It’s not easy with losing Jess there-- you told me that, but somehow you’ve made peace with what had happened. Enough to live there now.”

Sam shook his head, rubbing the back of it as he tried to process all Dean was telling him. To think Sarah was alive here and he was in a relationship with her. It was painful to think about considering what had happened to the Sarah Blake he'd known. 

"I still want to go with you. You never know if the hunt will be more than just run of the mill, Dean."

Dean shrugged. "Yeah, I guess. But you really should call Sarah first."

"What? And tell her that I'm not the Sam she knows? That I'm from a different reality? That sort of conversation has to be done face to face. I can't load all that on her on a phone call."

Dean sighed. "You could just fake it. Hopefully we can fix this problem before long. You go back home and the other Sam returns."

"No, I can't do that to her. I won't. And I'm not sure there is even a way for me to get back to my reality. I didn't enter through any door."

"There's gotta be a way, Sammy. We'll find it."

Sam gave him a weak smile. "For now tell me about this case. Where is it?"

"It's at Jimmy's. That's Jimmy Novak. He's a friend of ours. He moved into a new place and he thinks it's haunted."

“I’m going,” Sam said right away.

Dean raised his brow at him. “Why? I know that you’re not the Sam I’m used to, but the other Sam… he quit hunting. There may be the rare case here and there if I convince him I could really use his help, but still… it’s fine, man. I can handle it. You should stay here and I don’t know… get your bearings or whatever. This has to be a real trip for you being in this different reality. You gotta take a breather, okay?”

“I get your concern, Dean, but I’m good. I want to help. Please, you have to let me help.”

“You have a Jimmy Novak in your world? Is that it? Or something to do with your angel thing?”

“Dean…”

“Gotta tell me, Sammy. I don’t want to be kept in the dark here. If you’re going to interrogate Jimmy…”

“I’m not going to question Jimmy. Well, it won’t be a police-style interrogation.”

“Comforting… Wait. Don’t tell me. You think Jimmy knows something about angels. Maybe even that one angel -- Castiel-- or whoever?”

Sam shrugged. 

“Sorry, Sammy. Jimmy never mentioned any Castiel to me. Sure, Jimmy is religious and believes in angels, I bet, but not one peep about a Castiel. And I’ve known the guy for about ten years now.”

“Angels can erase memories. That could be the reason why he didn’t bring up Castiel to you. Please, Dean, you have to let me see him. I know what to ask him. Right now, Jimmy is the best lead I have to figuring out what’s up with the angels in this reality.”

Dean sighed, not looking too thrilled about the current topic of conversation.

“Wait. You dealt with the Trickster, right? Years ago? Only a few months before Cold Oak?” Sam brought up.

If Gabe was the Trickster in this reality too, then that meant he was an Archangel as well, right? Unless somehow his story was different in this world. What if in this reality, he was just the Trickster going under some other name? Hell, maybe he didn’t even look the same. But it was worth a shot to ask.

Dean nodded slowly. “Yeah. That douchebag Trickster. We crossed paths with him. Only one time though.”

“Can you tell me what he looked like? Or maybe have a picture of him?” Sam asked hopefully.

Dean gave Sam a weird look. “I’m not sure I want to know why you’re bringing up the Trickster. But you -- the you I know-- did a drawing of him. As a reminder of how he looked like if we ever encountered that bastard again.”

Sam smiled. “Okay, uh… do you have the drawing? I need to see it.”

“Yeah, on my laptop. We scanned all the info we had on the supernatural and stuck them in folders. Sam might have stopped hunting, but he’s still a research nerd. Had to have everything organized.”

“All right, good.”

“Hold on a sec,” Dean told him.

He left and returned with his laptop a few minutes later. He placed the laptop in front of Sam, who had moved his plate to the side to make room.

Dean opened up the folder with the info Sam needed. He clicked on a subfolder labelled Trickster, which contained a drawing of the being.

“There you go. The Trickster.”

Sam looked at the depiction. A smile came across his lips. This was what he was hoping for. The drawing looked like Gabe. Now he had to find out if he was an Archangel in this reality too.

“Why did you need to see him?” Dean wanted to know.

“He’s not just the Trickster in my reality. He’s really the Archangel Gabriel masquerading as the Trickster.”

“Why the hell would an Archangel go off and play Trickster? Do Archangels have a twisted sense of humor where you’re from? Geez, man.” Dean huffed, looking annoyed as he probably recalled his experience with the Trickster in the past.

“Gabe was different from the other Archangels… not much for conforming to the rules. Look, it’s not important. But I need to figure out if Gabe here is an Archangel too. If I can contact him, maybe he could help me find my way back home.”

“Well, hope he can. He was a bastard as the Trickster. Maybe in “Archangel mode” or whatever, he’ll be less of a bastard.”

Sam frowned, biting his lip. “Yeah, I hope so too, Dean. It’s worth taking a chance. I don’t have a lot of other options. Going to help out Jimmy would be good. So you really gotta let me go. Please.”

“Okay, okay. Just try not to be too disappointed if Jimmy doesn’t have the intel you need.”

“I understand,” Sam said to Dean, trying to reassure him.

Sam finished his pancakes and headed back to his room. He left Dean to get their gear ready for the ghost or ghosts they'd be dealing with.

In the privacy of his room, Sam reached out to Gabe. He doubted he would come, but hopefully he'd hear Sam from wherever he was. 

"Gabe.. Gabriel…it's Sam Winchester. I know you're an Archangel. At least I'm pretty sure you are in this reality. I need your help. Somehow I got here from a different reality. I need to find a way back home. I'm hoping you can help with that. Please come when you can. I'm not messing around. All right… uh, bye for now," Sam finished a little lamely. 

He waited a few beats and as he expected, Sam didn't see Gabe appear.

Well he hoped he'd get somewhere with this reality's Jimmy Novak.

While in the Impala with Dean, Sam couldn’t help but ask, “Why are you still hunting, Dean? When you said the other me had stopped. But even a week away from your wedding day, you’re still at it.”

Dean shot a quick glance at Sam. He turned his eyes back to the road. “I know it’s crazy. Should have called it quits a few years ago. Lisa’s not in love with the idea I’m still hunting. She thinks I’m not considering Ben and making sure I’m in his life and not running toward danger. That I shouldn’t risk my life when I can leave the hunting gig to other hunters. Pass the torch.”

“She wants to make sure Ben has a father figure in his life. She has a good point.”

“Damnit, Sammy. Don’t make it worse for me by siding with her. I reminded Lisa that Ben wasn’t a kid anymore, but that didn’t help my case one bit. So Lisa wins that argument, but still… like I told you years ago--”

“Saving people, hunting things… the family business. I remember,” Sam finished for him.

Dean gave him a half smile. “Huh. I told ya the same thing in your reality?”

“Yeah. Never forgot it. You feel obligated to continue on.”

“I know Dad’s end goal was hunting down that yellow-eyed son of a bitch, but I think he’d want me to continue hunting after Yellow Eyes. Those things that go bump in the night-- they’re still out there. And people’s lives will still be in danger.”

Sam remembered what his Dean recently confided in him after time went back to normal. Dean’s curveball of a wish had transported their dad from the past into the Bunker. Before the return to his time, their dad had told Dean he wanted him to have a normal, peaceful life with a family after Azazel was defeated.

So this Dean had it wrong. 

“I get it, Dean. People will always be in danger from the supernatural. But I think Dad would be happy for you now. Knowing that you’re getting married, and that you’re hopefully slowing down with hunting.”

“You think so?” Dean looked at him.

“Yeah, man. I’m happy for you too. I’m glad you’re with Lisa, that you have a chance at a normal life. You deserve that.”

“Thanks. You too, Sam,” Dean told him, giving him a half smile.

Sam smiled back at him, albeit weakly. He didn’t say anything more and just let Dean continue on driving. He sat back as Dean turned up the volume on the Metallica song currently playing.

Maybe he did deserve a normal life, but he wasn't sure he could accept a peaceful life after all the crap he'd been through. He'd literally been to Hell and back more than once. 

No white picket fence or apple pie life would erase the bad with a capital B he'd survived these long years. 

But it wasn't worth the trouble getting into that with this reality's Dean.

His time with Lucifer in the Cage and his subsequent encounters with his abuser-- hallucination and otherwise-- still haunted him to this day. He couldn’t see himself moving on from that. Not completely.

Now to make matters worse, Sam had an alternate version of Castiel attacking him to add to his list of traumatic memories. It would have been easy to allow Cas to numb that recent memory. So the pain of it would subside. But Sam wanted to prove to Cas, and to himself, that he was strong. That he could handle whatever crap came his way. 

~ * ~

By late evening, Sam and Dean arrived in Pontiac, Illinois.

Dean had given Sam the run down on Jimmy Novak. So he wouldn't say something dumb to him when it was info he should know. He told Sam what happened in this reality-- especially following the events of Cold Oak as that’s when the reality diverged from Sam’s own. 

From what Dean told him, Sam found that everything happened the same way, more or less, in this world. That was, until time slowed down at Cold Oak, South Dakota. Sam was miraculously healed when in his reality, Sam had died and a grief-stricken Dean had made a life-changing deal.

But when he saw Jimmy, Sam couldn't help but stare in surprise. He quickly composed himself. Of course he should have anticipated Jimmy to have graying hair. It was almost a decade since he last seen Jimmy Novak from his world. The one and only time. When Cas had been dragged back to Heaven leaving his vessel behind. That seemed so long ago now. Another lifetime.

Of course Jimmy now would have aged. The most notable change was his graying hair and some wrinkling around his eyes. He had to be in his mid-40s by now Sam figured. With Claire being 21 now. Sam had gotten used to Cas looking the same all these years as Jimmy's body became his permanent vessel. As a consequence, seeing this Jimmy now look older was jarring. Without being possessed by an angel, Jimmy was able to live a normal life in this world. Sam was happy for him.

"Hi Jimmy," Sam said. 

Jimmy looked surprised to see him. “Good to see you, Sam. I thought it was just Dean coming. Not sure this is a two-person job.”

Sam smiled. “Yeah, this is probably no big deal, but I wanted to see you, Jimmy. It’s been some time.”

Jimmy nodded, looking at Sam strangely. “All right. I appreciate the thought.”

Dean gave Sam a look like he was asking if Sam wanted to lay the angel stuff on Jimmy now or wait.

Sam shook his head. He didn’t want to get into it now. First they had to focus on why they were here. And Sam wanted to get to know this version of Jimmy better before asking about any encounters with angels. Encounters he hadn’t even told Dean about.

Dean shrugged, and he clapped his hand on Jimmy’s shoulder. He pointed at his tie, which Sam saw had Reapers on it in black cloaks.

“Hey man, Halloween is months away. What’s with the tie?”

Jimmy looked down at the tie. He looked back up at Dean. “Yes, well, I’m doing a bet with Claire. She chose this tie for today.”

“Thought she would have grown out of that.”

Sam stared at them in confusion. “What bet?”

“It’s become a little tradition with us -- between Claire and me. She convinces me to wear weird ties on certain days and I win some money if I follow through. Otherwise she gets the money.”

“How much this time? The usual? Twenty dollars?” Dean asked.

“Yeah. Might go up to twenty five.” 

“How long have you been doing this?” Sam asked Jimmy.

“For about ten years or so… since… Amelia passed.”

Sam looked at him sadly. “That’s nice. You two have something to bond over.”

“Considering how Claire can be, it’s a near miracle,” Dean put in.

Jimmy shot him a stern look. “It’s been a challenge, raising her alone for the last ten years, but she came out all right. I did my best.”

“Not criticizing you, man,” Dean tried to reassure him. “Just… she’s twenty one now.”

“She could probably hold her alcohol better than you, Dean.”

“Hey, hey, hey… that was uncalled for!” Dean shot back, his tone defensive.

Sam rolled his eyes. He hit Dean lightly on the back of the head. 

“Shut up. The haunting, remember? Just accept that Jimmy’s right and you’re wrong.”

As Sam asked Jimmy to direct them to the ghost sighting in the house, he heard Dean grumble, “You’re supposed to be on my side, Sammy.”

While he walked, Sam reflected on what had happened in his reality years ago before Lucifer was set free. 

Seeing Jimmy get to grow old, be there for Claire… the "what could have been" made the truth of what Cas had stolen from his human vessel harder to accept.

Sam knew Cas felt guilty about what he'd done. After all, he had been the one to help Claire when she was in a bad way. 

Still, it didn't change the fact that Jimmy's future was ripped away from him because Cas had needed a vessel to be on Earth. And Jimmy wouldn't let him take Claire as a vessel-- leading to his sacrifice. At least his soul was at rest now in Heaven. Small comfort, but it was something.

Jimmy led them to the basement and showed them where he’d seen the two ghosts in the left corner furthest from the doorway.

Dean pulled out his EMF meter, and the light flashed red accompanied by a beeping sound. “Yahtzee. This place is haunted. Couldn’t have done the usual Empty Nester shtick and downsized to an apartment or condo, Jimmy? Had to go for the haunted house.”

Jimmy shrugged. “Wasn’t ready for that yet. And I got a deal on the house since the real estate agent knew it was haunted. Made it harder to sell. I thought I’d call you to help with the ghost problem.”

Sam took action right away. “What’s important is we take care of this. I’ll go get our gear.”

Dean nodded. “You sure you know where everything is? I reorganized not long ago.”

“I can manage. Don’t worry, Dean.”

When Sam returned, it was in the nick of time. He saw Dean gripping an iron poker as he waved it around as a weapon against a female ghost. Jimmy had an iron poker, but he looked a little uncertain using it.

“Dean!” Sam called to him. He tossed him the rock salt shotgun, which Dean caught easily.  
He fired off a few shots at the ghost who’d reappeared.

With his own rock salt-loaded gun, Sam went over to Jimmy. Which was good timing considering a male ghost had knocked him to the ground. Though Jimmy was still holding on to the iron, he looked a little out of it. His head must have struck the hard ground in a bad way. Sam pulled the trigger and shot at the ghost. Damn ghost got the slip on him and vanished before the rock salt hit it. Then the ghost returned and floated over Jimmy.

The ghost opened its mouth and seemed to pull out something from Jimmy. The scene reminded Sam of the Shtriga, but this was clearly a ghost. How the hell was it doing this?

But Sam changed his line of questioning when he realized what was coming from Jimmy. It was a blue-ish white glow… it was…

He shook his head, refocusing. He had to stop the ghost and not just stand there. He shot at the ghost while the spirit was distracted by sucking out the glow. This time, his shot didn’t miss.

“We gotta find the bones!” Dean declared, sounding annoyed. 

Sam was both shocked and relieved. It was the Grace of an angel. It just had to be. That meant Jimmy had to have been possessed at some point. And angel grace had stayed in him like Gadreel’s grace had been in Sam before Cas’s healing had removed the remaining amount. 

What was even more interesting was the angel Grace stayed behind when the ghost vanished. As if the ghost hadn’t been able to really absorb it. Which made sense since ghosts were not corporeal entities.

“You were possessed by an angel, Jimmy,” Sam told him as he helped him up off the ground.

Sam could hear Dean groan behind him.

“My head is pounding,” Jimmy muttered, rubbing the back of his head. 

He appeared not to have heard Sam.

“Jimmy… Jimmy… you have angel grace inside you.”

Jimmy stared at him in confusion. “What do you mean? Are you telling me angels are real?”

Dean cut in, “Sammy here thinks angels are as real as demons.”

“I know you did all that research years ago, Sam, on angels, but you never found definitive proof. At least that’s what you told me.” Jimmy told him, frowning.

“I think we have to sit down for this talk. In the living room,” Dean decided, ushering them up the stairs.

“You believe in angels, right, Jimmy?” Sam asked him.

“Seriously, Sam…” Dean said, but he didn’t stop Jimmy from responding.

“I want to believe they are, to know my prayers are going somewhere and being listened to by a higher power. But Dean said he’s never seen an angel, so I’m not sure.”

“Sometimes it’s better to believe in something you don’t see over something you do. Don’t let Dean’s skepticism affect your point of view.”

“Hey!” Dean shot back, sounding defensive. “Listen, it’d be great if angels were real. Then maybe they can get rid of all these fuckin’ demons. But I heard nothing about them, nothing from other hunters, nothing even from Bobby…”

“Wait… Bobby? As in Bobby Singer?”

“Yeah. Who else?”

Sam nodded. Right. Events unfolded differently in this reality. He was happy to hear that Bobby, the Bobby they had known since they were kids was still alive and kicking in this world. It was thought that made Sam smile. He had to visit Bobby here when he had the chance.

"We should put the angel grace in a container. We need to take it with us," Sam declared.

Jimmy looked uncertainly at him and then looked back at the grace floating in one place. It was as if it were suspended in midair. 

"You're sure that's the Grace of an angel?" Jimmy asked.

"Yeah I know it is." Sam told him.

Sam thought this would be easier if Jimmy knew the full story of where he was from.

Jimmy nodded, appearing to accept the answer.

Dean took out his whiskey flask and raised it in the air. "Hey got a container for the angel grace or whatever."

Sam gave him an annoyed look. "Seriously?"

Dean grinned. He opened up the flask and directed it at the grace. Fortunately the grace flowed right into the flask.

"Don't worry, Sammy. The flask was empty. Well mostly empty."

Sam rolled his eyes and he sighed.

To their surprise, the flask appeared to have a life of its own. It tried to escape from Dean's hand. Shocked, Dean let go of his grip on the flask and it went straight to Jimmy. He grabbed the flask, confused.

"Guess that angel grace has a mind of its own. And an attachment to Jimmy. It did come out of him. Got insight on this, Sam?" Dean turned to him.

"I'm not sure. Don't think I've seen an angel's grace act that way. Like it has an awareness to it. Which shouldn't happen since it's separated from the angel."

"So I don't have an angel inside me now?" Jimmy asked.

Sam shook his head. "If you did, the angel would have easily stopped that ghost from hurting you. No, this is grace left behind when the angel departed. I'm not sure how to find out how long it's been since you were possessed though."

Jimmy was looking overwhelmed. "Comforting," he muttered. 

Dean slapped his hand against the wall. "Okay! We really got to lay this all out. Upstairs. The ghosts could come back any minute here."

The three of them started walking up the stairs out of the haunted basement.

"Were they buried? Or cremated?" Sam asked Jimmy. 

"Uh yes. They were buried. So there are bones to salt and burn. The ghosts were of a young couple who lived here a few decades ago. They got into a bad argument. The basement has been haunted by them ever since."

They'd reached the top of the stairs. Jimmy shut the basement door behind them.

" 'Bad' is an understatement," Dean remarked. "Cemetery? I can do the salt and burn. Sam could fill you in on what you need to know."

"Memorial Park Cemetery is about half an hour away from here," Jimmy told him.

"Got it. I'll check it out."

Sam stopped Dean at the front door. "Hey man. You're cool with leaving me alone with Jimmy?"

Dean nodded. "Yeah. Of course. Why wouldn't I be?" 

Dean left but Sam could tell he wasn't being honest with him. Still he appreciated that Dean had given him this chance to speak to Jimmy privately.

***

It took about twenty minutes to tell Jimmy what Sam wanted him to know. 

Jimmy looked like he wasn't sure what he wanted to say. 

"You want a drink? Sorry for putting all this on you. I know it's a lot," Sam said, apologetically.

Jimmy rubbed his face with his hands. "Yeah maybe that's a good idea. I'll go do that."

A few minutes later, Jimmy returned with two shot glasses and a bottle of vodka. He sat back down on the couch opposite Sam. 

Sam reached out and grabbed the bottle. He filled the glasses.

After they downed the shots in one go, Jimmy took a breath and then he exhaled.

"So you're from a different reality. And Dean knows. And also where you're from, an angel -- Castiel -- uses my body as his permanent vessel."

Sam nodded. "Unfortunately the Jimmy Novak in my world died years ago. It was the Apocalypse and Dean, Cas and me were right on the frontlines. That led to Cas dying. He was brought back, resurrected by God I think. But that meant Jimmy's soul was sent up to Heaven. There was no way for his soul to survive Cas being exploded by an Archangel."

Jimmy gave a weak laugh. "I can imagine. Well, it is nice to know the other Jimmy is in a good place in Heaven."

Sam nodded, speaking in earnest. "And his daughter, Claire, is a part of the family. We helped her out --it was actually Cas who insisted on helping her. He was so set on making sure Claire was okay," Sam let him know, trying to emphasize the good qualities Cas had. 

It was ironic, yes, considering what that alternate!Castiel had done to him. But reminding himself why his Cas was a close and valued friend was therapeutic in a way. Helped to override the other Castiel's attack on him from his mind.

"Cas felt bad about what he took from the Jimmy I knew. He wanted to make things right. We have a family friend who took her in after Claire's mom died. She's doing well now."

"She found a new family," Jimmy concluded with a soft smile.

"Yes," Sam said, smiling in return. He decided it was wise not to tell Jimmy that their Claire had become a hunter. 

"I also could use some help. I need to contact an angel. And if Castiel in this world sees you as his true vessel like in my world, then you can get his attention. He'll be more interested in hearing from you than from me."

"You really think Castiel is the angel who possessed me who knows how long ago?"

"Yes. And I want to believe you forgot all about it -- even consenting to possession -- because this Castiel had orders."

"To erase those memories. Great." Jimmy sounded upset about that as Sam expected he would.

Jimmy looked thoughtful for a moment as he peered down at the flask in his hand.

Sam cleared his throat. Jimmy looked up at him. "We should find a vial for that. Dean would want his flask back I bet." 

"Yeah, I think I have one." Jimmy declared as he stood up with the flask in his grip.

Jimmy left and returned with the grace now in a vial. 

"What is it? Is something wrong?" Sam asked in concern.

"No. It's just my headache is gone. The one I got after the ghost knocked me down. I didn't take anything for it and now it's like my head wasn't killing me before."

Sam nodded at the vial. "You think it was the grace? I'm not familiar with leftover angel grace acting that way. I guess it's something specific to this reality. But maybe it can heal you without you even needing to say anything."

"Yes, I guess so. That's the only thing that seems to make sense,"

"By the way, did you ever get sick in the last eleven years? Before Amelia died? Maybe the grace helped with that too."

Jimmy frowned as he looked to be thinking back. "I can't remember exactly. I mean Claire was sick a bunch of times as a child. As any child goes through. I don't remember getting sick too when I took care of her through her illness. There was one time when Amelia was alive… she and Claire got sick and I wasn't affected. Not sure what year exactly that was. Why eleven years?"

"Because in my reality, I died in Cold Oak, South Dakota in the year 2007. The same year as in this reality. I have a theory that the angel possessing you was involved in saving me. Time was slowed down-- had to be a supernatural cause. I'm positive an angel was there to heal me and save my life. In the process, Dean was saved from making the demon deal that began the road to the Apocalypse."

"Right," Jimmy said, nodding. "So 2007 may have been the year I was visited by an angel. I don't like not remembering any of that. It's a start at least to piecing together what happened."

Sam nodded. "Not sure how forthcoming an angel will be in telling me what happened then. Since they wanted you to forget you even met one. So making an educated guess is the best we have to go on."

"What do I have to do? To help you with contacting an angel?"

"Just pray to Castiel silently," Sam told him. "I'll do the same for the Archangel Gabriel. I tried to get his attention before but he didn't answer. With your help this time, maybe Gabriel will now. It might be the only way I can get home. If an Archangel can’t give me what I need, then it’s back to the drawing board."

"It'll happen, Sam. You have to believe it will," Jimmy reassured him.

"Thanks, Jimmy."

With that, they both prayed. 

To Sam's surprise, Gabriel did appear about ten minutes later. It was odd thinking of him as Gabriel. Sam had to remind himself that he wasn’t on familiar terms with this version of Gabe. Which meant he should not call him Gabe, first and foremost.

“Finally decided to come? I wasn’t sure if you heard me before when I asked you for your help before,” Sam said He wondered if he shouldn’t have sounded so harsh. This may be the only real shot he had and finding his way back home. He couldn’t risk blowing it by being annoyed at the Archangel. Although Sam was not happy that he hadn’t come earlier back in Lawrence.

Gabriel raised his eyebrow at him. He had his hands on his hips and looked peeved. “Nice trick, Sam Winchester.”

Sam smirked at him. “You’re the Trickster. Anything I do pales in comparison to your tricks.”

“I haven’t been the Trickster for years, Winchester. But getting Jimmy Novak involved. It was smart, annoying, but smart. Don’t let it go to your head. Castiel received Jimmy’s message about you needing help. He insisted I do something about it.”

“What-- he can’t come down himself?” Sam wanted to know. 

“My little brother has to stay home. Deal with it.” Gabriel shot back. 

His tone was final, and Sam wasn’t sure he’d get more details from Gabriel about why this Castiel had to remain in Heaven.

“So he got you to make a house call. Didn’t know Archangels could be pushed around like that,” Sam said, feeling mischievous. 

He was really screwing himself over here if he wanted Gabriel’s help, but he couldn’t resist getting this one dig in.

“Whatever,” Gabriel said, not seeming bothered by the insult. 

It was good to know that in this reality, this version of Gabriel was not prone to being oversensitive. Sam was certain if he was dealing with a different Archangel now, he’d have been killed with a look for his ‘insolence.’ He didn’t have the best memories of Michael, Raphael and of course, the worst -- Lucifer in his reality. In both worlds, it appeared Gabriel remained the only Archangel Sam felt like he could work with, who could actually be his ally. 

“I did what I had to. I needed to see you anyway. Especially after getting your first message. I don’t know how you got here from a different reality. We haven’t had visitors like you.”

“There is a way for me to return home, right? Some sort of opening, a rift I can go through? Something Archangels can make it happen?”

“Like I said, we haven’t had visitors like you. We have no ways to access other realities.”

Jimmy looked dismayed. “Sam came to this reality somehow. If there’s a way in, there has to be a way out.”

Gabriel threw up his hands. “Fine! All right. We don’t have a way now. With time, maybe my brothers and I can come up with a solution.”

“And by brothers, you mean -- Michael and Raphael?” Sam asked tentatively, checking to confirm if Lucifer was in the Cage.

“Yeah. Dear Lucy is stewing in the Cage -- don’t miss him -- the drama queen. I bet Michael might know something about portal access to other realities. He can be secretive sometimes. Not sure I’ll get it out of him.”

“Maybe with me here, Michael will open up. I don’t belong here after all. I’m not sure what happened to the other Sam when I landed here. But that’s got to be a problem Michael would want to fix.”

“I think you took over the other Sam’s body when you came here. Your memories overrode his. Though maybe with time, his memories will take over. Before your presence here becomes a real issue, you have to return home.”

“Michael has to help. He’s the oldest Archangel. He has to know a way out,” Sam was insistent. “I got here on a wish. One desperate wish. It was almost too easy. I get if leaving is harder, but if the Archangels are alive and well in this reality-- not counting Lucifer, then it can’t be impossible to find some exit out of here.”

Gabriel shrugged. “Never know. Maybe we need Lucifer’s help to make an “Exit door” for you. Michael is very powerful, but together with Lucy, they are unstoppable.”

Sam took a look at Gabriel’s face and could tell from the smile forming that Gabriel was messing with him.

“No. We are not involving Lucifer,” Sam said. 

The very last thing Sam wanted was involving Lucifer no matter what reality he was from. 

He was eternally grateful that in his reality, Lucifer was dead for good.

“I’ll keep that in mind in my next meeting with Michael,” Gabriel shot back. “Anyway, deal breaker -- you want my help, you have to let me see inside your head. I want to see what your reality is like. So I know you better.”

“You can’t just ask?”

“This way is faster. Not in a questioning mood. I’m sure Jimmy here wants to get some sleep.”

“I’m not tired,” Jimmy said, raising his voice. He sounded affronted for Gabriel even suggesting that.

“Worth a shot,” Gabriel said, looking unbothered. “Castiel told me you were told a lot of things today. You have to be overwhelmed.”

“Castiel knows about that?”

“You’re his true vessel. He’s intent on always being in the know when it comes to you. You have to accept that.”

Well, at least they got confirmation that Jimmy Novak was Castiel’s vessel in this reality too. So points for that. Sam figured that was making some forward progress. 

“Fine. Okay. ” Sam agreed. “You can look inside my head. If it’ll help me get back home, then go ahead.”

Gabriel placed two fingers on Sam’s forehead. Sam closed his eyes, not sure he wanted to see how Gabriel would react to everything he’d gone through.

A few moments later -- though it felt like a lifetime to Sam, Gabriel dropped his fingers.

“Yeah, I could see why you made a ‘desperate wish’ to be somewhere else. Your world is no picnic.”

Sam could see Jimmy’s look of curiosity. He wasn’t surprised that Jimmy wanted to know what Gabriel saw. What details Sam had omitted from his story to Jimmy. But no. Sam could never tell Jimmy the hell he went through especially with Lucifer. That stayed with him.

Sam gritted his teeth. “Can you help me? Or not? I gotta know that there is a fix to this. That I’m not going to be here forever.”

Gabriel looked him over thoughtfully. “I’ll look into it. I think Michael knows something to help you. For now, just enjoy this reality. Don’t worry about being stuck here. From what I saw, I can’t imagine why you’re so quick to return there.”

“It wasn’t all bad,” Sam countered. He felt defensive over his world after Gabriel attacked it.

“All right, if you say so. I’ll be in touch.”

Before Gabriel made to leave, Jimmy’s voice stopped him. “Wait!”

Gabriel turned to face him. “Yes, what?”

“I was possessed by Castiel, but I don’t know when or why. I need to know why my memory was altered.” Jimmy said, tone earnest.

Sam doubted Gabriel would give him what he wanted to know. Though Sam felt pretty confident about his 2007 theory -- that Castiel had been at Cold Oak and saved the other Sam’s life.

Gabriel shook his head. “No can do. That’s top secret. Castiel was down here in the past under Michael’s orders.”

“I don’t even remember being possessed! I’m not sure what moral code all of you work under, but that’s wrong. It’s wrong,” Jimmy almost shouted at him.

It was the most animated Sam had seen Jimmy. At least in this world.

“Yeah, well you did give your consent. Castiel wouldn’t have been able to possess you otherwise. And if it makes you feel any better, Castiel wasn’t happy about the memory erasure, but Michael directed him to. There was no choice.”

“So Michael is in charge in Heaven. What he says, goes,” Sam deduced.

Gabriel nodded. “Yeah. I saw that Michael from ‘Apocalypse World’ in your head. Michael can be overly serious most of the time, but he’s more stable than that other Michael.”

“Great. How reassuring,” Sam snapped back. 

He wasn’t sure about Gabriel’s words. Even the Michael in his world-- the one who was still stuck in the Cage and using his half-brother Adam Milligan as his vessel-- was nothing to write home about. But Sam grudgingly conceded that maybe the Michael from his world was a little better than the unhinged ‘Apocalypse World’ Michael. 

He hoped that Gabriel was right and that this world’s Michael was okay. Unless he was just trotting out the “party line.”

“After what you went through, I’ll give you a pass on the sunny disposition. I bet you’ll change your tune when Michael finds a way for you to return to your reality. Now just relax, don’t stress. Get a massage. I have to go,” Gabriel told them. He pointed to the side of his head. “Have a meeting soon. If Michael’s there, I’ll update him on your situation.”

Sam sighed. He deflated, deciding to appreciate Gabriel’s willingness to help. He could have refused to help Sam. He was an Archangel after all. What did Sam have to offer him in exchange? Looked like his presence here-- when by all accounts he should have never ended up here-- was a problem. At least there was that. Undoubtedly, there was pressure to set things right and get Sam and the other Sam back into their rightful places. 

What if he had switched places with the other Sam? And the other Sam was now in his reality confused as hell about what was going on. Dean and Cas were left having to explain to him what he didn’t know.

Sam knew he did not want to stay in this reality long enough to lose his memories. To have the other Sam’s memories take over his like Gabriel suggested. Sam was attached to his memories. Some of them, yeah, he wished he could forget, but other memories -- the good ones, the ones he cherished -- he didn’t want to lose them.

“Thank you,” Sam told Gabriel. And he meant it.

Gabriel nodded at each of them in turn. Then he vanished with his wings rustling in his wake.

“I think I need some air,” Sam told Jimmy.

“Of course, I understand,” Jimmy said to him.

Sam walked to the front door. He had opened the door just a crack before he turned around to look at Jimmy. He had a frown on his face and he seemed distracted as he grabbed the shotglasses. The vial of Grace was on the table. Sam thought Jimmy was making a point of not looking at the vial.

“Look, I’m sorry, Jimmy,” Sam said in earnest. “I know you didn’t get the answers you wanted from Gabriel. But I told you that would happen. At least you know more now than you did before.”

Jimmy gave him a weak smile. “Thank you, Sam.”  
Sam took a slow walk down the block. It was pitch black outside, the dead of night. With his hands in his pockets, Sam looked up at the stars that were piercing the night sky.

He remembered that night years ago. 

_He was feeling like crap from the Trials-- the final Trial really doing a number on him. Dean was beside him as they stared up at the sky in shock._

_“What’s happening?” He’d asked Dean. Sam had gasped, feeling out of breath._

_“The angels. They’re falling,” Dean had told him._

_It sounded crazy. How could that happen? It wasn’t right. He hadn’t risked his own well-being to close the gates of Hell only to have this happen. To have angels drop down to Earth-- forced out of their home._

_He was realistic and was well aware that most angels were far from friends of him and his brother. But Sam never wanted them to be booted out of Heaven. Who knew what damage this would cause to Heaven itself?_

_And Cas… oh god… what had happened to him?_

Sam shut his eyes, opening them again as he brought himself back to the present.

There was something reassuring that in this world, the angels hadn’t fallen. While he’d had a lot of run ins with bad angels over the years, Sam couldn’t help but sometimes hold on to his old idealistic view of angels. It was a comforting thought he didn’t want to completely let go of. 

And there was Cas… in the end, at least one angel was on his side.

To Sam, this world was safer because Heaven hadn’t suffered the same losses as it had in his reality. With the Archangels still present, Heaven seemed to be in a much better state than the one in his world. 

Cas had told Sam about his world’s Heaven. There was trouble even powering the place with so few angels left. And if the angels were driven to extinction, then no one would be guarding the souls at peace in Heaven. All those souls would fall to Earth and become restless spirits.

He wondered if he could make peace with staying in this reality permanently. Sam decided he would do his best to try if he had no way back home.


	3. Chapter 3

Sam decided to head back to Jimmy’s house. 

Jimmy looked up when Sam entered. If Sam didn’t know any better, he would say that Jimmy seemed tense.

“Hey, everything okay?” Sam asked him in concern.

“Dean came by when you were out. He handled the ghost problem at the cemetery. I did a basement check and the ghosts are gone,” Jimmy updated him. 

He then continued on, a dark look crossing his face. “Dean left. I can drive you back home if you want. Or you could sleep here for the rest of the night.”

Sam stared at him in shock. “I don’t get it. What happened?”

“I’m angry with Dean. After what he told me…” Jimmy trailed off, shaking his head.

Sam saw that Jimmy was holding the vial of Grace-- well, Castiel’s leftover Grace they now knew-- in his hand and maybe he was gripping it a little too tightly.

“Jimmy, please, give me the vial. The way you are now, I don’t want you to break it.”

Jimmy looked at the vial as if he was surprised he still had it in his hand. He handed it over to Sam.

“What did Dean tell you?” Sam asked him gently. 

Jimmy sat down on the couch, putting his face in his hands. He sat back on the couch and told Sam what Dean admitted to him.

The other Sam had found out the name of the angel who had saved him. And he’d learned that Jimmy was the vessel for this angel, for Castiel. He had confided in Dean about this discovery. But Dean had stopped Sam from telling Jimmy what he knew. That Jimmy had been possessed by an angel. 

At the time, Claire was just a child and according to Dean, he didn’t want Jimmy to make a decision that would leave Claire an orphan. After all, Amelia had passed away by then. Claire just had her father. Who knew if the angel would return and ask to possess Jimmy again? There was every chance that the next time Jimmy was possessed by an angel, he would be giving himself up forever.

“So you’re mad Dean kept that from you? That he didn’t trust you to make the right decision. For Claire’s sake.”

Jimmy nodded. “I thought we were good friends for the past decade. Now I find out he doesn’t have faith in my judgment.”

“I’m sorry, Jimmy. Dean’s heart was in the right place. But I agree -- his execution was crap. But I guess he gets points for finally telling you now? He didn’t keep it a secret forever.”

Jimmy let out a huff. “Right, maybe. He told me the main reason he left you alone with me to talk about angels. The reason being that Claire was an adult now. And she could take care of herself if something were to happen to me. I let Dean know this was my life and I can make my own decisions. I wish he hadn’t kept this secret from me. I could have known years ago that I’d been possessed by an angel. Instead I was left in the dark until now. So I demanded Dean leave. I couldn’t look at him.”

“I’m really sorry.”

“Yeah. I know I have to let it go with Dean’s wedding coming up. Hopefully I’ll make peace with the revelation in the next few days.”

“I guess Dean wanted to get it out of the way before the wedding. Even if he was risking your friendship with him. He should have waited after the wedding.”

“Finding this out does cast a shadow over the wedding,” Jimmy agreed. “But I’m glad he told me now. It shows he’s willing to risk me not coming to the wedding out of spite. Somehow it makes Dean braver for taking the chance. Brave and crazy too.”

“Well then. Not all bad. I think I’ll stay the night if that’s okay. You and I could get some sleep. It’s been a long night and I don’t want you driving me back home at this hour.”

Jimmy nodded. “All right. I appreciate the thought. I’ll get the guest room prepared.”

Sam handed him back the vial. Jimmy took it, though Sam noticed the apprehensive look on his face he looked at the blue-white Grace being stored in the vial.

Sam woke up the next morning -- or really edging into the afternoon. It had been a long, too eventful night after all. 

Sam changed back into the clothes he had on last night. Jimmy had a pair of pajamas for him that fit Sam to his surprise. Jimmy said he kept a pair or two in Sam’s size as the other Sam stayed over at his place every so often. So Jimmy made sure to be prepared when the occasion arose.

Sam wandered down the stairs and overheard Jimmy having a talk with someone in the kitchen. Sam was sure that sounded like Claire. 

He waited before he entered the kitchen. He didn’t want to interrupt the talk they were having.

“You can take the meds, Claire. They help you, don’t they? I know you have trouble in churches, but it would make me happy if you came to the mass. Please, Sweetheart.”

“All right, fine… I’ll do it. It’s just one hour. I think I can manage,” Claire conceded with a long sigh. 

At that point, Sam decided to walk into the kitchen. “Uh, hi. Good-- Afternoon I guess it is now.”

“Hi Sam. How did you sleep?” Jimmy asked him.

“Good. Thanks for letting me stay. How are you, Claire?” Sam asked her. 

He was curious to see how this world’s Claire was faring.

Claire flashed him a quick smile. “I’m doing great. Drama with my roommate, but that’s the usual for the last few months. Had to get out of the apartment. She was driving me nuts. Hopefully some time apart will help.”

“Sorry to hear that.”

“Yeah. Well. Oh, I uh… need to answer that,” Claire said as her phone pinged from its place on the kitchen counter. 

“Hope you have a good day!” She called back to them as she left the kitchen with her eyes on her phone, texting away.

Jimmy sighed. “That was Claire.”

“She seems like she’s doing okay. Barring the roommate issue. Where does she live?”

“Downtown Chicago. She goes to DePaul, off now for the summer of course. She’s doing well enough in school. She has a good heart, but sometimes her personality can clash with others.”

“She gets into fights?”

“Sometimes. She’s grown up though from that. In high school, it was at its worst, but fortunately she’s matured. I think Claire has always had trouble accepting losing her mom at a young age. It’s not easy not having her when she saw her other friends having their moms there.”

Sam nodded. “I get that. I never knew my mom. She died when I was a baby so I don’t have memories of her from back then. Not like Dean does.”

“Yes. We’re just making the best of a bad situation. Day by day.”

“If it’s okay I bring this up, you mentioned Claire taking meds.”

“You heard that?” Jimmy asked, frowning like he hadn’t wanted Sam to hear about the meds.

Sam waved his hand. “It’s fine. I’m sorry I overheard when I shouldn’t have. You don’t really know me since I’m from a different reality. It’s none of my business. I don’t need to know.”

Jimmy shook his head. “It’s fine. Since she was little, Claire has had this bad reaction to being inside churches. But she’s older now and I think she’ll be okay.”

“You know her best,” Sam said. 

He could tell Jimmy didn’t like talking about this. Sam didn’t feel it was his place to ask follow-up questions. He wondered if the other Sam was aware of Claire’s thing with churches. Probably if he and Dean were friends with Jimmy for the last ten years. At least Dean had to know since he lived closer to Jimmy now compared to the other Sam living in California.

Sam’s phone beeped and he saw that it was Dean. 

“It’s Dean,” Sam announced. “I should--”

“Go ahead. You should answer it.” Jimmy encouraged.

“Hey. What’s up?” Sam said, trying to sound like nothing was off.

Dean wasn’t having it. “Yeah, man. I know Jimmy told you what happened. I know I gotta apologize to him…”

“It’s good you told him now, Dean, instead of waiting even longer. I should have known you were keeping something like that. You knew who Castiel was.”

“You were freaking me out, Sam! Geez, man. All the talk about being from another reality. I didn’t know what to think! I wasn’t gonna lay out all my cards on the table. I’m not an idiot.”

“Yeah, yeah, it’s okay, Dean. I get it. I would have been wary too if I had been in your position. Just had to air it out.”

“Well, we both agree on that. That’s gotta be something.”

Then Sam had to ask, “Are things between you and Lisa okay? With the whole hunting thing?”

“She knows how important it is to me. She’s cool with it. Told her I would cut back on hunting, which made her feel better. Pretty sure it did at least. Did you really mean it, Sammy, when you said Dad would be okay with us having a normal life? And not continuing hunting after Yellow Eyes was dust?”

“Yeah, I did. He’d be so happy for you, Dean. Believe me, he would.”

“Thanks, Sammy. Talk to you later? Jimmy is driving you back?”

“Yeah. I’ll see you at home. Later, Dean.”

As Sam ended the call, Claire returned to the kitchen waving her phone. “I can’t believe it. You wore the Reaper tie. Here’s the $25.”

She placed the bills on the counter.

Jimmy looked at her in bemusement. “What-- you didn’t think I’d go through with it?”

Claire gave a long put-upon sigh. “I’d hoped you wouldn’t. But I know better by now. Gotta come up with a better one next time.”

Jimmy gestured at her. “Go right ahead. I’ll be ready.”

Claire frowned. “Of course you will.”

She went over to the fridge and grabbed some bread, cheese and turkey breast to make a sandwich.

“Claire, I’ll be out the whole day. I need to drive Sam back to Lawrence.”

“Damn, that is a long trip. Have fun.”

Jimmy gave her an admonishing look. “Claire, please, no swearing.”

She gave a thumbs up. “Got it. I’m sorry. Won’t do it again.”

Jimmy turned away from her and that’s when Claire whispered to Sam, “Only when he’s around.”

Sam couldn’t help but smile at that. Jimmy looked at the two of them suspiciously when he turned around. Sam shrugged, trying to appear nonchalant. It led Sam to believe that this wasn’t the first time that Claire did this sort of thing behind her dad’s back. It was sort of a thing that kids did though. 

He remembered he did the same behind his Dad’s back -- to Dean, who usually wasn’t happy about it-- always wanting to do right by their Dad. But the times that Dean joined in on the joke were the best times.

“We should head out,” Jimmy declared.

Sam nodded. “Yeah.”

Before they left, Sam reminded Jimmy that he should take the vial of Castiel’s Grace with him. If it could heal him, then there was a chance that maybe it could do something else. Hopefully protect him.

What Sam wouldn’t give to have a demon blade or angel blade now. He had his gun with him, but when Dean left in the Impala, he took the whole weapons arsenal in the trunk with him. Sam decided to make the most of what little he had.

While Sam expected this Dean not to have access to an angel blade, Jimmy did inform him that Dean had an demon blade.

“How the hell did he get a hold of a demon blade?” Sam wanted to know.

He remembered that Ruby had a demon blade on her -- expected as she was a demon. That’s how Sam first became aware of that weapon. But in this world, with things happening differently at Cold Oak… Ruby wouldn’t have come into play, right? She had only gotten close to Sam to manipulate him to break the final seal-- to kill Lilith. Maybe Dean ganked a demon blade from another demon -- who knows. Sam decided his priority now was making sure that at the very least, he could get back home. 

He sincerely hoped his reality still existed. If there had been a disaster and it had collapsed… Sam didn’t want to deal with the possibility that he could be stranded here in this different world indefinitely. This reality had a lot of good things about it, but he felt guilty for taking the other Sam’s place. Not to mention the chance that the other Sam’s memories would take over and his own memories would fade away. 

No. Sam could not, would not allow that to happen.

They were on the road for an hour before they were stopped by four people standing in front of them. Fortunately this road was quiet and Jimmy’s car was the only vehicle on the road for about a mile. Or Sam supposed it was unlucky considering he was sure the people in front of them with angry faces were demons. And they soon proved that by flashing their black eyes.

Sam swore. He had a gun, but no Devil’s Trap bullets. No demon blade or angel blade. Hell, even the Colt would be great. At most right now, he could slow them down.

Jimmy looked over at Sam, fear growing in his eyes. Sam opened up the glove compartment and grabbed the vial of Grace. He handed it over to Jimmy.

“Maybe the Grace will help. If it comes to it, which I hope not, then you gotta call Castiel down, okay? Remember to say his name.” Sam reminded him in case Jimmy forgot in the evident panic Sam could see in his eyes.

Anyone would feel panicked, after all, being surrounded by demons. 

“Gabriel told us that Castiel had to ‘stay home.’ What if he can’t do anything to help us?” Jimmy was concerned

Sam rolled his eyes. “Screw what Gabriel said. Whatever ‘time out corner’ Castiel is in up there, I want to believe he’ll find a way to help you. I don’t know this world’s Castiel, but the one I know helps the people he cares about. Even if he risked Heaven’s anger at him. If that Grace he left inside you is healing you, then that means he cares about you. Just don’t doubt him, all right, Jimmy?”

Jimmy nodded. “What are you going to do, Sam?” He asked.

Sam gave him a half-smile. “I’m not sure yet,” he admitted. 

He climbed out of the car. Sam steeled himself for the ordeal to come.

He pointed his gun at the four demons before him.

One of them smirked as they stared him down. Sam was undeterred.

“What do you want?”

The second demon spoke up, “We heard about you. Coming from a different world. Calling down an Archangel, and now you’re traveling with an angel meatsuit. Not cool.”

“How the hell do you know that? That I’m from a different world.”

“We like to keep tabs on what’s going on in Heaven. Make sure we know what they know. And oh boy, were there a lot of flashing lights when you came into the picture,” the first demon said, sounding irritated.

“We don’t like it. You gotta leave,” The third demon demanded.

“Would love to,” Sam shot back. “But don’t know a way out.”

Then the fourth demon put in, “Or, since you’re Lucifer’s vessel, we’ll just take you. You can help with getting Lucifer out of the Cage.”

Sam glared at the demon. Not a chance in Hell. He wouldn’t be a part of Lucifer being unleashed in this reality. Especially after the burden of guilt he felt for releasing Lucifer years ago in his reality. He had unknowingly done it, yeah, due to Ruby’s manipulation. But it didn’t change the fact that it happened.

He felt his hands shaking as he dropped his gun. He was still feeling so angry and annoyed at the demon even bringing up Lucifer.

He raised his right hand and waved it. To Sam’s surprise, the demons were thrown back a few feet.

He had telekinetic powers? How in the world? Was it this other Sam’s body that had it and somehow Sam was able to access these powers?

He remembered after “winning” Azazel’s messed up competition, he was supposed to gain powers from that. But in the end, he was left with the ability to force demons out of their human vessels. He never developed other abilities. At least he never really tested it out to see what other powers he had.

This -- this moving things with his mind -- was _insane,_ but very useful especially now. He silently thanked the other Sam for somehow having these powers. Yeah, the other Sam was gone for now and he was most likely thanking no one, Sam felt it was the thought that counted.

The demons started standing up and Sam knew he couldn’t hold them off for long.

Then to his surprise, two floating hands that were glowing with angel grace came into his view. It was one of the weirdest things Sam had ever seen. But it was just what he needed especially when each hand slammed into a demon’s forehead. The two remaining demons stared in shock at the unexpected ambush.

The two demons that the hands touched lit up orange and they fell to the ground, dead. 

The two who were left tried to make a run for it, but the two hands -- or was it really grace shaped like hands?-- got to them quicker. Pressing into their foreheads, the demons were smited -- joining their ill-fated comrades.

In the aftermath, Sam could only stare at the fallen demons. The Grace in that vial acted like nothing he’d ever seen before. Could the lack of an Apocalypse as it had happened when he’d consented to be Lucifer’s vessel have led to this? That years later, with Heaven still in a strong state, angels had made “technological” advancements which included enhancing their Grace in this way? 

Sam liked the thought that this world’s Castiel was a part of that. That he had decided to make use of whatever “upgrade” was available and have it protect Jimmy. He wondered if maybe Castiel was somehow controlling what his Grace did from his place upstairs.

“I can’t believe that worked,” Sam heard Jimmy say from behind him. 

Sam turned around to face him. He noticed that his hands were glowing, wrapped around by Castiel’s Grace.

Sam smiled at him. “Thanks for the save. How did you do it?”

“I asked Castiel how to get rid of the demons. His Grace in the vial did the rest.”

He went over to hug Jimmy. He felt Jimmy returning the embrace. Sam almost wanted to kiss him but he held back. He felt guilty -- that a subconscious part of him was seeing Jimmy as the Cas he knew. Sam could easily look past the graying hair and the non-trench coat outfit and see Cas. He felt that he really must be homesick if he wanted to see Cas in front of him.

In the end though, he didn’t want to mess up the friendship he had with Jimmy… even if he’d only known the man for a day. Then he thought to himself -- since when had he ever considered kissing Cas? 

Sam stepped away from him. “I-- uh… we should get back in the car. Continue driving.”

Jimmy gave him a curious look. “Is everything all right? You were looking at me like you were seeing someone else.”

Sam shook his head. “No. Don’t worry about it,” he was quick to say. He looked down at Jimmy’s hands. “Your hands-- they don’t have Grace anymore.”

Jimmy pulled out the vial. It was still full of Castiel’s leftover Grace. “It did its job and returned back to the vial.”

Sam nodded. They got back into the car. 

Sam noticed Jimmy was yawning as he turned on the ignition.

“Are you okay?” Sam asked him in concern.

“Just feeling a little tired. I guess smiting those demons left me fatigued. Which is weird to say,” Jimmy remarked, smiling to himself. He shrugged.

“I guess that’s the downside. The “enhanced” Grace isn’t perfect. It could use some tweaking.” Sam decided.

“Yeah.”

“We could crash for a couple hours at a motel. You can get some sleep in. After what you did, you deserve it.”

Jimmy yawned again, putting his hand over his mouth as he did so. “Yeah, that really sounds good about now.”

“I’ll drive,” Sam offered. 

From the look of Jimmy, he thought that was best. He was concerned that Jimmy would fall asleep behind the wheel in his current state. 

“You tell me where the closest motel or inn is,” he told Jimmy.

They exited the car and switched places. 

About five miles into Sam’s drive, Jimmy pointed out a quaint-looking inn.

They were able to get a room and decided on one bed. After all, it was Jimmy who needed the sleep more. Sam was happy to just sit in a chair. Maybe he would rest his eyes for a bit in anticipation of the long drive still left back to Lawrence.

Sam was feeling restless while Jimmy slept on. His eye caught the vial of grace that Jimmy had set down on the nightstand.

He couldn’t believe he was even considering this. He wasn’t even sure it would work. A part of him wish he had taken up Cas’s offer of numbing the memory of the other Castiel’s attack on him.

Now he wondered if this leftover grace would have the power to numb the memory. Especially after Sam saw what this grace could do, he wanted to believe it was possible.

He took the vial in his hand. He felt braver doing this now knowing that no one would be looking at him. Sam just couldn’t bear Cas’s sad look on his face as he looked at Sam. Sam’s attempt to reassure him that he was okay, that the attack wasn’t bothering him had fooled Cas to his dismay.

Opening the vial, he took a breath, and hoped that he was doing this right.

Sam asked, “Could you alter a memory for me? It’s a bad memory that I want to fade away… not forget it, but just… so it doesn’t hurt as much.”

Nothing happened for the longest moment. Sam was beginning to think he’d just talked to no one.

Then the grace flowed out of the vial and transformed into words, hanging in the air, in front of Sam.

“Yes. Write down the memory.”

Sam was surprised that the grace had the ability to shape itself into words. 

“Castiel? Is that you?” 

He couldn’t help but ask, his curiosity getting the better of him. He had to be controlling the grace even long distance. It was crazy that something like that could be done. But in this different reality, Sam had to be open to these new advancements he never imagined to be possible.

“Yes,” was the simple answer.

Sam nodded, a little late in realizing no one was watching him. “Okay. Hi, Castiel,” he said.

He grabbed a notepad and hurriedly wrote down the memory of the attack. He added the date of the incident just in case. He was grateful when he was done as Sam had little interest in reflecting on that memory even just through writing it down.

Raising the notepad in front of the waiting grace, Sam observed, fascinated, as the Castiel’s leftover grace swept over the paper.

Then the grace went to Sam, touching his forehead, and Sam felt how cold it was. It wasn’t an uncomfortable cold, but it was a shock at the first contact.

A few minutes later, Sam knew the grace had done what he’d requested. The memory of the attack was numbed, and he felt like he was only observing a scene that was happening to someone else. Like he himself hadn’t been attacked by that very misguided version of Castiel.

“Thanks, Castiel.”

“Are you feeling better?” The words formed in front of Sam.

“Yeah, much better.”

Then the grace flowed back into the vial. Sam was relieved that he wasn’t asked about the memory. He would have thought this Castiel would have wanted to know why another version of him had hurt Sam.

Maybe he sensed that Sam didn’t want to talk about it. Whatever was the reasoning behind it, Sam appreciated that Castiel through his leftover grace didn’t start an inquiry.

After two hours, Jimmy woke up, rubbing at his eyes as he did so.

“How are you? Did the sleep help?” Sam asked. 

He watched Jimmy sit up in the bed. His light gray short sleeved shirt was a little wrinkled from his time in bed. As if on automatic, he straightened out his shirt, patting it down in a fruitless effort to fix the sad state of it.

Jimmy nodded. “I’m feeling a lot better. Thanks for suggesting it.”

“Maybe it’s not just being tired from smiting those demons. Maybe you’re just getting old,” Sam tried to joke, unable to resist teasing him.

Jimmy huffed. “Don’t remind me. Everyday I look at Claire and see how much she’s grown… and I can’t believe how time has flown by,” he remarked. He let out a sigh. 

Jimmy grabbed the vial and after turning it around in his hand, he opened it. To Sam’s surprise, he opened his mouth and all of the grace flowed into it.

At Sam’s questioning look, he said, “I thought the Grace would be better inside me. I don’t want anyone stealing it. And it was inside me after all before the ghost tried to suck it out.”

“Right. Good thinking,” Sam answered. 

At Jimmy’s thoughtful look, Sam was concerned that Jimmy could somehow discover that Sam had asked Castiel to numb that memory for him. Something he really didn’t want to talk about. Even if he did feel better now about that terrible incident thanks to Castiel’s help.

“Um… how was it? When the Grace went back inside you? Did you feel anything?” Sam attempted to change the subject.

Jimmy shrugged. “Not bad. Was cold at first but got warmer as it went down,” he told him. 

Then he gave Sam a look as if he were trying to see inside him. Into his soul.

Feeling self conscious all of a sudden, Sam rubbed the back of his head. “Jimmy? What is it?”

“You look at me like you’re seeing someone else. Or you want to see someone different. It’s Castiel, isn’t it? You care a lot about him,” Jimmy decided. “The one from your reality. The one who you call Cas.”

Sam felt there was no point in trying to avoid the subject. He did feel a big reason for how he ended up in this reality was his fear of how he felt about Cas. That he didn’t want to ruin their longstanding friendship.

“I’m sorry, Jimmy. I don’t want you to think you’re a stand in for someone else. I hate for you to think that. I’m just… conflicted. Cas doesn’t even know -- at least I’m almost sure-- about how deeply I feel about him. The last thing I want is to drag you into this. I’m sorry,” Sam said with a sad look.

Jimmy raised his hand. “It’s fine, Sam. I’m not in the best place either. All these years since Amelia died, I have failed to find someone else. I wasn’t sure if I was being too picky and my heart just wasn’t in it. Then there were times that Claire tried to sabotage my dates,” he said, shaking his head, chuckling at the memories, no doubt.

Sam let out a smile. “I can see Claire doing that.”

“Anyway, I only wanted you to know that it was okay. If you need anything, I can help,” Jimmy offered.

Sam shook his head. “I don’t understand.” 

“Are you planning to tell Cas about how you feel about him? When you return home?” Jimmy asked.

Sam sighed, shaking his head. “I don’t think so. Not any time soon. You have to know, Jimmy. I’ve had bad luck with anyone I’ve fallen in love with. I’ve had to live with the knowledge that they’re dead because I’m… I might as well be cursed when it comes to love. Cas is strong and he’s survived a lot, but…”

“You don’t trust what being with you will do to him,” Jimmy figured out.

“I don’t want to hurt Cas. He’s one of my closest friends. And right now, friendship seems to be safest for the both of us.”

“But you’re still denying your feelings. You can’t push them away forever.”

Sam felt defiant. “I can try.”

Jimmy frowned. He gave him a sympathetic look. “It’s okay,” he reassured him. 

Sam was frozen when Jimmy leaned forward and placed his hand on Sam’s cheek. 

He felt Jimmy pressing his lips to his and he almost jumped out of his chair. “You don’t… not for me. You don’t need to do this, Jimmy.”

“You’re not the only one with feelings. Like I told you before, I’m not in a good place either when it comes to finding love. This is my choice. Don’t assume you know what I want.”

Sam shook his head. He stood up from his chair. “No, I-- I should go.”

He turned away from Jimmy.

“What -- you’re going to walk back to Lawrence? It’s a long walk,” Jimmy reminded him.

Sam still couldn’t look at Jimmy. “I can call for Gabriel. Anyway, I need an update from him about getting out of here.”

“Right. Okay. It’s my turn to say sorry. I shouldn’t have kissed you. I understand if you don’t want anything to do with me.”

Sam bit his lip. He slowly turned his head to face Jimmy. The other man was sitting near the head of the bed, his feet touching the floor.

“I’m so used to expecting someone different when I look at you. I can’t just.. I feel guilty. I don’t want to be with you and not see you, but Cas… I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I know, Sam. I appreciate you telling me ahead of time. You won’t be hurting me,” Jimmy insisted. “You’ll be leaving, so this is not a long-term arrangement. I haven’t known you for very long, but from what I’ve gotten to know about you, I’ve come to care about you. From what you’ve told me you’ve been through unimaginable suffering. Your eyes can’t even fully hide the burden of what you’ve gone through. I only want to help in some small way.”

Sam’s eyes widened. “By making out? You mean that?”

“We both need to forget our problems. If only for a few minutes. What did Gabriel tell you -- get a massage?”

Sam couldn’t help but laugh. “You’re serious?”

“Very. Not the massage, but you know what I’m getting at. Please, Sam,” Jimmy finished quietly.

Jimmy stood up and watched Sam, waiting for him to come to his decision.

Sam approached him. He bent down and placed his hands on Jimmy’s face. He kissed him hard on the mouth, feeling a fleeting guilt at the harshness, but Jimmy didn’t say anything and only returned the kiss. 

Getting into the heat of the moment, Sam removed Jimmy’s thin shirt with Jimmy raising his arms to make it easier.

They fell back on the bed with Sam on top of Jimmy. Sam took off his own shirt and threw it to the ground. 

Jimmy sat up, and put a hand in Sam’s hair, fingers tangling in his hair. He kissed Sam-- with more intensity than Sam anticipated.

“You should -- you should tell me to go,” Sam said, breathless following the kiss.

Jimmy laid a hand on Sam’s cheek, caressing it. “Maybe. But I don’t want to. I want you to stay.”

Sam let out a deep shuddering breath. “Damnit.”

“Hm, no swearing,” Jimmy said softly with little admonishment.

Sam was awkwardly reminded of him telling Claire not to do the same. That should have taken him out of the moment, but the need, the desire, to get this out of his system… to do with Jimmy what he could never do with Cas-- at least not in the near future-- kept him there on the bed with Jimmy.

He lay down beside Jimmy. With his closer look now, Sam realized how fond he was of Jimmy’s graying hair. Which, yes, he acknowledged that was a strange thought to have. But he liked what it represented. Jimmy was free here, free to have a future, free to do what he wanted.

Sam wouldn’t have his reality any other way -- the close friendship he had with Cas is something he could never imagine giving up. Even if unfortunately Cas’s presence had come at the cost of Jimmy’s sacrifice.

At least one world existed where Jimmy had lived on and was able to watch his daughter grow up. That knowledge helped Sam to make peace with the reason why Jimmy was dead in his reality. 

Jimmy turned his head to look at him. “What are you thinking?”

Sam smiled at him. He took Jimmy’s hand in his, entwining their fingers together. “I see _you,_ Jimmy. I mean it,” he was earnest to tell him.

“That’s good to hear,” he told Sam. “Do you want to continue?” He asked then, sounding tentative.

Sam looked down Jimmy’s chest until his eyes reached the point where Jimmy was unzipping his pants.

“Here, let me help,” Sam offered.

There wasn’t much speaking after that. Sam’s overactive thoughts took a backseat as he focused on Jimmy and the welcome sounds he made that were like music to Sam’s ears.

~ * ~


	4. Chapter 4

Slowly, Sam woke up when he heard the rustling of wings. He felt groggy as he sat up in bed, rubbing at his eyes to wake himself up. He looked over at Jimmy who was still fast asleep beside him. Sam didn’t want to disturb him. 

Sam stared at Gabriel standing about two feet away from the bed.

“When I said get a massage…” Gabriel started. He was smiling, apparently finding this situation amusing.

“Great,” Sam said, trying not to sound too sarcastic but failing. 

He reminded himself that Gabriel was here to help him. Even if Sam would have preferred to sleep on.

“Sorry to break it up,” Gabriel didn’t sound sorry at all, “but now there’s a way back.”

Sam knew the next time Gabriel would come would be about returning back to his reality. He just hadn’t expected it to be this fast. 

“Right. So was it Michael? He figured it out?”

“Big bro thought it was better for you to leave sooner rather than later. I went ahead to your reality. Filled them in on where you were.”

Sam felt relieved. “So my reality is still there? Dean, Cas and Jack? The Bunker is still there?”

“Yeah. They got stuck with some ghost version of you in a coma. They were happy to hear you weren’t dead.”

“Thank you, Gabriel. I appreciate what you did,” Sam said honestly. 

“Just making sure things are set right. You ready to go?”

Sam shook Jimmy awake by touching his shoulder. Jimmy opened his eyes and gave Sam a sleepy look.

“Hey, Gabriel is here. It’s time for me to go back home.”

Jimmy sat himself up and looked over to where Gabriel was. He then looked down at himself and noticed that his chest was bare. In that in between state of slumber and waking, he didn’t seem to mind too much.

“It’s good to see you, Gabriel,” Jimmy said. 

Sam put on his boxers then his pants. He grabbed Jimmy’s shirt and tossed it over to him.

“Thank you, Sam,” he said, as he got his shirt on.

“I want to say goodbye to Jimmy before we go,” Sam told Gabriel. “Privately.”

Gabriel smirked. “Sure. You have five minutes. I’ll be outside.” 

With that, he was gone.

“You should put your shirt back on,” Jimmy told him.

Sam admitted that he was feeling a little distracted as he thought about his return home.

“Thought you would want me to keep it off,” he said back with a smile.

Jimmy looked flustered. He cleared his throat. “You should call Dean. Let him know you’re leaving,” he told Sam.

He put his shirt back on-- after all, it would be weird to call Dean being half-naked. 

“Yeah, you’re right,” Sam agreed, taking out his phone.

“Hey Dean?” He asked.

“Yeah?”

“Sorry to do this over the phone, but I gotta go. That Archangel, Gabriel, found a way out. I wanted to say I’m glad to have had some time with you. Even if it was brief. I wish the best for you, man. Hope your wedding goes well, I’m sure it will. I hope you and Lisa and Ben will be happy as a family.”

“Thanks, Sammy. It means a lot coming from another version of you. Whatever that means -- take it in a good way. I know I didn’t trust you before, but…”

“I told you how I felt about that, Dean. It’s okay. We’re hunters. We have to be careful about who to trust. I get it.”

“Well -- hope you’re happy too. Your reality doesn’t sound great, but “there’s no place like home” I guess.”

“Quoting The Wizard of Oz on me?” Sam asked. 

“Hey, dude, it’s a classic. But seriously, good luck, Sammy.”

“Thanks, Dean.”

Sam ended the call and put his phone back in his pocket.

“Think it’s been about five minutes,” Sam remarked.

Jimmy nodded at the door. “You should go. We don’t know how long this “door” to your reality is open for.”

Sam nodded. “I want you to know…” he trailed off. 

He approached Jimmy who had an expectant look on his face. 

Sam took his face in his hands and kissed him. He felt Jimmy relax against him, placing his hands on Sam’s waist.

Jimmy’s lips parted, letting Sam’s tongue in. Barely a moment later, Sam felt a cold shock inside his mouth.

He stepped back, and he stared at Jimmy. “What was that?”

Jimmy looked just as puzzled as Sam felt. “I can’t control what it...what he does. I can’t do anything about it.”

“That was Castiel’s Grace?”

“Yes, I think so. A small portion of it. His Grace has been inside me for over a decade. I’m sure you’ll be fine if it does stay inside you. I guess it’s a parting gift,” he decided with a sheepish look. “I hadn’t planned on it, but Castiel is a different story.”

“Thanks,” Sam could only think to say. 

This world’s Castiel had been helpful for the brief time Sam was in this reality. That meant a lot to him. He decided there was no harm in having this small amount of his Grace inside him. In the end, maybe it would fade away, he realized sadly. It was how it would have to be. 

He was going to continue to head into danger when he hunted. And Cas would need to heal him, erasing any other Grace inside of him. Although, would it cause a different effect if it was still Castiel’s grace-- just a Castiel from an alternate reality?

Shaking his head, Sam stopped his thoughts from going into hyperdrive. With a sad look, he pulled Jimmy toward him and hugged him. Jimmy returned the gesture.

“I don’t like to say it, but goodbye, Sam.”

“Bye, Jimmy.”

Sam took a deep breath, and then he exhaled. He went to open the door, although he couldn’t resist turning back one last time.

Jimmy smiled at him, in a try for a reassuring smile.

~ * ~


	5. Chapter 5

“Stull Cemetery?” Sam said. 

He looked around him as the bad memories resurfaced to the forefront of his mind.

He tried his best not to dwell on them. About how he sacrificed himself after forcibly taking the reins from Lucifer. How he fell into a big hole into the depths of Hell, into the Cage taking Michael down with him.

No. He wouldn’t think about this. He would not.

“I did say it was a cemetery,” Gabriel said with a shrug. He wagged a finger at him. “You didn’t ask follow-up questions.”

Sam gave him an annoyed look. “Fine, but why the hell here of all places? Can’t the opening be somewhere else?”

“I guess since this place has a powerful presence in your world. There’s magic here, enough power to form an opening to where you came from,” Gabriel explained to him. “I saw inside your mind, Sam. This cemetery means a lot to you. Though you want to forget about it. For you, it was the best place for the “door” back to your reality. I don’t make the rules. This is Michael’s plan.”

Sam nodded, wanting to understand and accept the logic behind being here. But another part of him wished to shake Gabriel and demand he take Sam somewhere else, far away from here.

“Bobby. Bobby Singer. He was here too. In my reality in Stull Cemetery. He was there on that day. He’s alive in this reality.”

“He’s dead in yours,” Gabriel said. “You want to see him?”

“After my dad died, Bobby was like a father to me and Dean. Even...even when our dad was alive, Bobby was more of a father than he ever was. Most of the time.” 

Sam tried to breathe slowly, back and forth. He didn’t want to get too emotional.

“But this world’s Bobby doesn’t know what you’ve been through. It wouldn’t be the same,” Gabriel told him, his voice unusually gentle.

Sam nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, you’re probably right. Let’s just get this over with.”

He remembered what he’d said to Dean all those years ago in Stull Cemetery.

_“It's okay, Dean. It's gonna be okay. I've got him.”_

And that’s what he said to himself: “it’s gonna be okay.” Whatever trauma he felt from being attacked by a messed up version of Castiel -- he could get past it. The memory was still there, but it was faded-- and that made it all the easier to cope with the event. 

“Thank you, Castiel, for helping me. Please keep Jimmy and Claire safe,” he said in his mind, hoping the angel would hear him. “And Dean and the other Sam and Dean’s family… and yeah. I hope you’re doing okay.”

Sam shook his head. “Okay, what do I need to do?”

“Michael should come soon. He can open the doorway to your world. The other Sam should return when you leave here.”

“What about Dean and Jimmy? Will they remember meeting me?” Sam wanted to know. 

He was sad at the thought they would forget him. Especially after his time with Jimmy at the inn-- he didn’t want Jimmy to forget that even if Sam would probably never see him again.

“I don’t know. We’ll only know when you leave. But the door is one way. You can’t return to this reality. So it might be better if they forget.”

Sam nodded. “Yeah, sure. I understand.”

He heard the familiar sound of wings rustling.

It was Michael standing in front of them. Sam should have anticipated this. Michael was using his and Dean’s half-brother, Adam, as a vessel.

Michael’s expression was all-business as he looked at each of them in turn. 

“Michael, you ready?” Gabriel asked.

“Yes,” he said. 

Michael turned his gaze over to Sam. Sam couldn’t help but stare back at him.

“Sam Winchester, Gabriel told me you know about Adam Milligan. He is your half-brother here as he is in your reality if your memories are true.”

Sam nodded. “Yes. You’re right.”

Michael looked him over thoughtfully. Sam wasn’t sure what he’d expected from this world’s Michael. The last memory he’d had of Michael was Michael fuming that he had to fight Lucifer. And Sam grabbing Michael to take him down to Hell, to the Cage with him.

After a few long moments, Sam was half-surprised that Michael didn’t try to kill him with a snap of his fingers. Instead the oldest Archangel turned away from Sam.

Michael did snap his fingers and Sam flinched, thinking it was to kill him. He had a flashback to Lucifer doing the same thing before Chuck assured Sam and Dean that Lucifer couldn’t hurt them.

In this case, Michael had created the door, which looked like a rift, for Sam to enter through.

“Thanks,” Sam told him with a weak smile. 

He wasn’t sure how to act around this Michael. He seemed serious, but calmer. Definitely the opposite from the Apocalypse World!Michael bent on world destruction who was currently trapped in his brother’s head.

“Hey Sam. Thought you might like this,” Gabriel spoke up. 

He handed Sam a thick tome. “It’s a book about angels. You don’t think you have it in your world. I saw you had an angel shortage, that Heaven is in trouble. This book could help. Maybe your Castiel could get something from it.”

“Thank you,” Sam nodded. He took the book from Gabriel.

Michael waved his hand, indicating Sam to walk through the rift.

As he was about to step through the opening, Sam turned back to Michael, “If Adam is still alive in there, could you make sure he’s okay? Could you keep him safe? I feel like my brother and I failed him in my world. I want to make up for that in some way. No matter how small.”

Michael just looked at him, his expression blank. Sam really couldn’t tell what the Archangel was thinking.

“I need to hear you say it. I know you have no reason to promise me this, but I just want to believe for a little while that Adam is okay. That he will be protected.”

“I see Adam’s well-being as a high priority. He will be protected, Sam,” Michael said to him. “I promise.”

He wasn’t sure if he was imagining it or not, but Sam was sure Michael was sincere in his promise.

Sam nodded. “Thanks. That means a lot to me.” He wiped at his eyes, trying to stop the tears that threatened to fall. Being here in this cemetery was leaving him an emotional mess. 

He could down a beer or two, commiserate with Dean about that day long ago they’d thwarted the Apocalypse.

He said goodbye to Gabriel and turned away from the two Archangels.

He closed his eyes, taking a slow breath in and out. He was going back home, back to the Bunker where he’d last been according to what Gabriel had told him.

Gripping the book tightly like an anchor, Sam stepped through the opening.

When he’d fully entered the Bunker, into the kitchen, the rift closed behind him.

Dean, Castiel and Jack were sitting at the table talking.

The three of them stood up almost in unison. Sam set the book on the counter. 

He grinned as he looked at each of them in turn. 

This was his family. This was _home._

Jack rushed to him and hugged him first. “I was so worried!” He exclaimed.

Sam tried not to cry as he accepted Jack’s hug, embracing him in return. “I missed you, Jack.”

True, it had been a relief that the other reality had Lucifer in the Cage without him ever escaping his imprisonment. But the downside was Jack never being born in the other world. So that definitely made this reality better than the other one. 

Jack was like a son to him, he was Sam’s son for all intents and purposes. It was so good to see him again. 

After letting him go, Dean went over to embrace him, clapping his hand on Sam’s back. “Good to see you back in one piece, bro. Wasn’t sure for a while there.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Sam noticed Jack’s interest in the book on the counter. He started turning the pages of the book and Cas came over to him to see what Jack was looking at.

Sam returned his attention back to Dean. “How long have I been gone?”

“About three days. We didn’t know what to do. Good thing that other version of Gabe came by to tell us where you were. Though it was freakin’ hilarious that you banished Cas to Lawrence, Kansas.”

Sam’s eyes widened. “I did _what?”_

Cas looked over at them at the mention of his name. “I landed in front of yours and Dean’s old childhood home,” he explained, his tone calm. Sam wasn’t sure what to make of it.

“I’m _so_ sorry, Cas! I _never_ meant to do that!” Sam was earnest to apologize.

Cas shook his head, giving him a small smile. “I do not require an apology. I could see you were not well, Sam, that night. I know you wouldn’t banish me intentionally.”

“I’m still sorry. No matter how panicked I was feeling. I-” Sam stopped himself. 

He was about to tell Cas he loved him. While Cas would probably just take it to mean as Sam loving him in a brotherly, familial way… Sam knew in his heart he loved Cas in a different way. He was falling in love with Cas… Heaven help him.

He didn’t want that confession to happen here with others present. It was best when he was alone with Cas. Whenever Sam could gather the courage to admit how he truly felt about the angel.

“Why Lawrence though?” Dean asked.

Sam turned back to his brother. “I’m not sure. I did end up at our old home in the other reality. Right in my old bedroom - converted from a nursery to a guest room. It was a trip.”

“Maybe you wanted to bring Cas along, but didn’t work out as planned,” Dean joked.

Sam rolled his eyes. “Yeah, whatever, Dean.”

“This book is _very_ interesting,” Jack spoke up. His eyes were glued to the tome Gabriel had given to Sam.

“Yeah, it’s a gift from Gabriel. Out of nowhere. Hopefully it’ll help with the Heaven problem you talked about, Cas.”

Cas nodded. “Yes. That was kind of him to do.”

“Oh yeah, that Gabe was a real character,” Dean piped up. Sam expected that reaction.

“Yeah, not that different from the Gabe we knew,” Sam agreed.

After Sam went to take a shower, the four of them sat down to eat dinner. Sam told them about his time in the other reality. He left out some details like having sex with Jimmy, of course, and his conflicted feelings about Cas. But he did tell them what he could. 

~ * ~

Sam had trouble sleeping that night, still running on adrenaline from his unexpected trip to a different reality.

He opened his eyes, smiling as he watched Cas thumbing through the book about angels from the other reality.

“Hey, how is the book?” Sam asked.

Cas looked up from his place seated in the chair by Sam’s bed.

“I found some useful information,” Cas said. 

Then he frowned at Sam. 

“You should be asleep, Sam. Are you having difficulty sleeping?”

“Yeah, maybe. Could you help with that? I would appreciate it.”

“Of course, Sam.” Cas said with a smile.

Cas raised two fingers and softly touched Sam’s forehead. He felt himself growing tired instantly and his eyelids started drooping.

It was just what he needed. A dreamless sleep.

“Rest well, Sam. I’ll be watching over you.” He heard Cas reassure him quietly, his deep voice lulling him into a welcome slumber.

**_... Fade to Black ..._ **

**Author's Note:**

> Thank You for reading! I really appreciate it.
> 
> **Author's Notes:**
> 
>   
> I'm sorry that the Sam/Cas here is more one-sided due to the story being in Sam's perspective. We don't know what Cas really thinks, just can go by his actions. 
> 
> I thought it was too soon for Sam to confess his feelings to Cas. Particularly after recently being with the other Jimmy, I felt it would be awkward for Sam to make the confession at the end of this story. I didn't want to rush things. 
> 
> Although a fast forward was tempting. I'd like to believe Cas feels the same way about Sam in the universe of this story. 
> 
> I recently rewatched "The Song Remains the Same" episode 5x13 (to recall how Michael was pre-Apocalypse). Couldn't resist adding a nod to it with Cas's line about watching over Sam (referring to Mary's line about angels are watching over you). 
> 
> The mid-season finale, episode 15x08, with Michael's return along with Adam's, inspired me to write the scene with Michael. 
> 
> In this story, I wanted Sam to do something, no matter how small, to make sure Adam was okay. To show he was looking out for his half-brother and that he hadn't forgotten about him (even if this was a different reality).
> 
> Lastly, writing the Stull Cemetery scene got me emotional... just thinking back to what Sam went through years ago, what he sacrificed to stop the Apocalypse. With the show ending, the emotion was hard to avoid, I guess.


End file.
